Oh drama!

Minor drama anyway.  My decision to stay away from Sara for what likely will be a few weeks until I can be around her again without feeling those feelings of rejection and despair is starting to effect my relationships with mutual friends.   Being told by her BFF (sounds teenager-esque  but that is the best way to describe it, like I can count on one hand the times I have hung out with either separately) that she doesn’t wish for me to help her move (something I had agreed to a couple of weeks ago) because she it simply won’t work if I’m not speaking to her and that she doesn’t want any drama to happen.  1. I can still be cordial; if I could still be cordial to my ex-wife throughout the divorce process, then this would not have been a problem.  Also, I have told her (Trish) and Sara both this distance isn’t a malicious thing.  I simply need time away.  So therefore 2. Drama would not happen.  I will agree that being around Sara would be counterproductive right now, much as hanging out with them a couple weeks ago when I was discreetly keeping distance was counterproductive.  So I can’t argue the choice.  I think I just feel miffed it wasn’t me who made the choice.  Trish did.  And I do feel genuinely bad I can’t help her.  I hate letting people down.  Just bad timing, I guess.  I like to think I know what I’m doing here.  And that I want to do the right thing, long term.  Voluntarily cutting out the person who might have been my closest friend is by no means easy, and I hope they both realize that.  But if it means thinking long term for once and getting rid of, or at least muting those feelings enough to not get in the way, which involves taking a look at and fixing my own issues, then I think that right there is worth it for someone I want to be my friend for life.

I have a couple lists I wish to create after noticing others do them.  I’m not half-assing it though, so it will wait until I have them just right.  And now is time for music and bed.