Inevitable

I had a prenatal visit today. I didn’t really start pricking myself yet. I heard she was a little annoyed in her voice. She scheduled me to come back next Monday. So, I have to start poking my finger tonight. 4 times a day. Jays will do the 1st one, right after I wake up at 6am. 2nd one, I’ll poke myself at 11:30am and I asked my mom to stop by to make sure I get the blood on the strip. The 3rd one, Jays will do it when he comes home to drop Joshua off around 3:30. Then around 9pm after Jays comes home from work. I’m becoming way stressed about this than I thought I would be. After the prenatal visit, Jays took me to Big Boy to have breakfast, but I was very cautious and paranoid about what I ate. I felt ill and threw up in the parking lot. I’m not sure what got me sick – food or stress. I totally lost every epitite to eat. I know I need to eat for my baby. Though, I’m scared to gain any more weight or do anything to raise my blood sugar level. I even walked more than half an hour today with my mom and Elizabeth in the stroller. Jays tried to perk me up by reminding me to just hang on until the baby’s here. I didn’t feel better. Sigh…

Jays and I think Jays and Joshua should leave on December 1. He will drive the moving truck there and toll our van. Rocky is coming to help. We need to sell our car. I loved our BMW we purchased last November. Its 13 years old and was rebuilt after an accident. We paid $1500 to buy it. We won’t be able to take the fish tank, either. Jays’s college friend is adopting Lily, our white toy poodle. I’m just worried about Joshua. I’m going to miss him very, very much. I want to fly to California when my baby’s 2 months old, but my mom thinks I should wait after she’s 3 months old. I don’t know how much I can hold on to see Joshua.

Elizabeth’s temper tantrum is kind of extreme these days. She screams and cries anywhere. It can last forever. Compromising with her used to be easy before. Nothing really works now. I just ignore her if after I try to negotiate with her and doesn’t work. I’m even surprised with myself how patient I can be. Still, I feel like smacking her sometimes and I bite my lower lip. However, I forget everything when she decides to be cute again.

My sil’s younger brother is visiting from Korea. They’ll stay for 3 months. Her brother got a job here. The couple have a 2 year old son and seems to be in love wih Elizabeth. He wanted to constantly hold Elizabeth’s hand and eventually Elizabeth wanted to be left alone and when the boy, Joseph, didn’t give up, she ended up crying. It was cute, though. We were actually at my parents’ having cookout. My brother bought the food. Jays is usually the one grilling because he’s good. I liked the big mushrooms and the steak. We cooked onions and shrimp, too, but I wasn’t interested in shrip.

I think my belly dropped a little. The lower back pain and the pressure in my crotch are worsening. I find it easy to toss my body over not wearing to sleep. I don’t like the feeling of being naked, but I think this is only way to struggle less sleeping on the floor for now without the night gown getting twisted over my body whenever I switch sides.