Annoyed

 Today is the 13th.   April has 30 days.  including
today, that leaves 18 days til May.  Considering I will have a
final on May 6th, I should get my work done by the 1st at the
latest.   There is just SO much to do that I cant seem to
think of anything else.  It’s kind of scary too because I’m
lashing out at all the wrong people.. rather, I shouldnt be lashing out
at anyone except myself for being such a damn slacker all this time and
not getting it all done on time so I wouldnt be freaking out right
now.  I need to graduate t his semester.  I am already one
year behind and a lot of good things have come from this year, I must
admit.  i have made new friends and learned a lot more things
(thank goodness.. since school should be for learning..) I’m almost
happy that I took an extra year of courses, not like I had much of a
decision about it though to begin with.  I told myself I would do
SO well this year and I would get a 4.0 in everything and just be
ecstatic around graduation time that I had accomplished all this but i
have done nothing.

What is wrong with me?  I feel so useless sometimes.. like there
is just no reason for me being here other than complicating things and
not adding anything.  Just a waste..  there are so many
productive people in the world who should get the commodities I have,
the loving people I have around me but it’s all so wasted on me for no
reason.  I dont deserve it..  I’m too lazy and I need to get
myself o ut of this.  I’ve been telling myself this for a while
now and I have these epiphanies and get really productive for a few
days and just go crazy on work but then I slow down and completely
slack off later.  Arg.  And now I’m way behind.  
So behind it’s kind of scary.

Dont mind me if I disappear for a little while..  then again, I
might come on here more often now just to get away from people and
spill my stupid thoughts.  I feel like I need to get away from all
my distractions because most of them are pretty useless and serve no
real purpose other than to “kill time”.  Who came up with that
stupid phrase?!?  why kill time?!?  it makes no sense.. its
all we have in life.

Stupid online community sites..  stupid instant messengers.. 
agh..  time was never meant to be killed………