Unstable Me

 

 

 

Well, it is very obvious to anyone that knows me, I’m totally an unstable person.  Not entirely in a bad way.  I just tend to be a little crazy at times.

My current unstable moment?–Babies.  Not sure my current babies.  My want for more.

Yep, I’m nuts.  Have 6 kids and still want more.  My poor husband.  I can see the gray hairs really popping through now haha.

I told him not too worry too much.  After all, I am on birth control.  We won’t start for another baby until 2013.  See?   I can be crazy AND reasonable at the same time!  I’m on Implanon.  So there’s no need to worry about missing a pill, taking the shot a couple days late, etc.

Of course, this doesn’t stop me from always being paranoid.  Missed period?  Yeah my brain gets worried.  Sure, I want another baby, but not just yet! lol.  And there’s always there very slim chance of it happening while on any method of birth control. 

Spaghetti suddenly makes me nausea just smelling it…yep thoughts of being pregnant pop into my head.

Suddenly not liking my favorite soda, and replacing it with one I’d normally not touch with a freaking 10ft. pole…

You get my drift here…

I’m even having dreams of being pregnant!  Last night the dream was of me having another little boy.  He had dark skin.  Not exactly "african american" dark, but more close to "Mexican" dark.  And he had golden brown eyes.  Like seriously, the color of gold, with them big ole black pupils.  I was refusing to let them take him to the nursery.  I even bought a special stroller to use when I had to go grab lunch (why I was heading down for cafeteria lunch instead of having it delivered is beyond me lol)

I know what most of this stems from.  It’s from my low breastfeeding success.  I want another baby so I can end it with a great experience in that field.  No, it’s not the only reason.  But that’s what is causing all the weird baby dreams right now.  

It’s driving me so nuts, I’m even making plans.  Like, does my current OB use another hospital?  Is there a close hospital that does the "room in" with babies?  Will I be able to find an OB I can trust and feel comfortable with that will do a VBAC?

Yeah, I’m unstable.