An Attack of Pessimism OR The Way Things Are

Mood:  Disappointed

Music:  Time To Say Goodbye, Sarah Brightman and Andrea Bocelli.

Either I’m freaking out, or the 2×4 is swinging around to knock me off the top of the world.  Either option is possible, but if the sick feeling in the pit of my stomach I’ve had since last night is any indication, the thumping of the board to my head isn’t far off, if it hasn’t already hit.  I’m trying not to go into protection mode, but it’s difficult.  The wagons keep circling themselves.

The old adage is true:  If something looks too good to be true, it probably is.  I know this full well.

I have to know better than being the second option, but somehow, I don’t.  I don’t know what to make of my ignorance except to say that I chose it.  I just wish the sickness in the pit of my stomach would go away.  It’s starting to get in the way of my thinking processes.  Seriously.  I just keep praying for the killing blow to fall now so that I don’t have to wait for it anymore.  I know it’s coming, it’s just a question of when.  And that’s a shame.  *shrugs*  You win some, and you lose some, I guess.  What do you do when the loser wins?  You bet against him with the next deal of the cards.  *smiles sadly*  Such is life.  And it’s alright.  I’m not freaking out too badly.  I start work tomorrow at the church, so I’ll have plenty to do.  I’ve got lots of preparatory work to do before next week, so there won’t be any shortage of things to keep me occupied. 

I’m going to go outside and spend some time alone, at a familiar, comforting place.  I’ll catch you all later.  Peace, my babies.