The Problem with a Paradigm Shift.

Alright.  I’m going to complain for a little bit.

Most of you who are reading my diary now and leaving notes are relatively newcomers to my diary, it seems to me.  If that’s the case, you will either have to go back and read some of my older entries or just take my word about this.  Maybe you’ll be able to give me some insight into my issue that I’ve not heard.  Those of you who’ve been around for a while, I’m sure you’ll be able to give me some thoughts as well.

I feel like I’m on the cusp of a problem again.  My problem is a kind of uncomfortable one, and I’m not really sure I have a choice about it, which as some of you know is what ticks me off the most–not having a choice.  My problem is tied into the idea that people, for better or worse detest change.  At the same time, people are constantly changing and evolving from a psychological perspective, and so there is a sort of dynamic tension constantly in all of us in our relationships.  The tension comes in at the point where what we know of someone as they have always been and how we add new information to that perception of others when we get it.  (I’ve already touched on this before, but I’ve thought more about it, thus the entry.)  In other words, when we think we know someone, and then they change, we constantly walk a line trying to figure out how we incorporate this new development in the person into how we see them.

However real or imagined, I feel significantly different from even a couple of months ago.  I notice my intentions changing for why I say things, and I notice myself making a conscience effort to shut up, which is something I’ve not been used to doing before.  And it’s very good.  Those two things, in particular were something that needed to change.  I have always, for a very long time, enjoyed arguing with people and sort of debating back and forth.  I have always enjoyed being right, and making sure that when I’m right, everyone else could know it too.  I’ve noticed that in both of those areas, there has been pretty significant changes happening and I trace it back to that faithful day in January, when I turned around and stared what I was becoming right square in the face. (Read about that here.) 

My issue though, comes up in this:  When I go back home in about 3 weeks, I’m going to deal with people who only know the older version of who I am.  I’m not sure the newer version is different enough to give people a reason to change their perception, and it’s hard to get people to see your intention when you say something.  I’ll give you an example.

I’m a part of an online forum community comprised of people from my denomination.  Part of what I like to do in an attempt to get people thinking about issues and looking into their Bibles for themselves is offer up issues for which I have a strong opinion one way, which I think people miss.  An example of an issue for me that is one of my pet issues with the church is the seeming belief that if you’re a Christian, you should vote Republican.  I find it no where in Scripture, I find no suggestion anywhere in the Bible, in fact, that Christians should vote at all.  I can find plenty of references that deal with being submissive and responsible to the government, but none that offer up any suggestion that we should vote.  At any rate, I like to ask questions about issues like this to get people thinking and looking in their Bibles to see what it has to say.  There are lots of Christians who proport to know what God has to say, but have no idea where in their Bibles they might find this information.  By sending people back to their Bibles, it serves two very important purposes.  First, it requires that people interact with what the Bible actually says, not what they think it says, and the more time a Christian spends in their Bible, the better off they’ll be.  Second, it combats ideologies that purport to be Biblical but really have no foundation in Scripture at all.  I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve had people come to me after asking them a question and they say to me, “I can’t find this anywhere, but I know it’s Biblical.”  Of course, my response, then, is simple:  “What makes you say it’s Biblical?  What gives you that idea.”  I leave the heavy lifting to them. 

At any rate, on this online forum, I managed to stir up all kinds of trouble from about September to December, by asking these questions in a certain, mean spirited way.  When January hit and I had my experience, I realized I had to make some changes, and although the process is slow, I’m working really, really hard to be more open and peaceful about the way I ask my questions.  How successful I’ve been is a question for some debate, but I’ve been trying.

Last week, I got an email from a member of this forum who basically suggested that I am doing currently the same thing I was doing back before Christmas.  This particular person would have reason to believe that nothing has changed, despite the fact that from where I’m sitting, I’m trying hard to make sure it does.  How do I respond to this person conveying to them that I hear what they are saying without removing the possibility that they may still be right?  I’m afraid that what’s happened here is that I’m being judged according to the way I was, and it’s a big discouragement to my continued growth in this healthier direction when you get an email that says that essentially they haven’t noticed any difference at all.  I’ve taken a lot of steps to try to combat my problem, including having my roommate read what I post before I post it to make sure that I’m not doing what I did then.  Is it really that nothing has changed, or is it just that this person doesn’t see it because they only know me the way I was? 

Any thoughts, anyone?  I’m kind of struggling with this, and I’ve put off responding to this person to make sure that I can do it with a cool head and as objective an attitude as I can muster.  Any thoughts would be appreciated.