…a Realtime Oscar Telecast Commentary

(continued from last entry)

8:48 PM-  Gregory Peck.  (This also is a complete sentence.)  The guy did a lot.  Katherine Hepburn.  I’m always amazed at how uncouth the audience is during the  “In Memoriam” part of the show.  You can hear which now-dead Hollywood professionals get the most props.  How asinine.  You always hear how Hollywood is so tough.  I wouldn’t put it past some of the clowns in the audience to boo the deceased.  Talk about a rough audience.goo.

8:52 PM-  In the ad wars, American Express has just won.  Tiger Woods in a send up of Caddyshack’s Karl.  Unbeatable.  They even used the Kenny Loggins song at the end.

8:57 PM-  It’s the kiss of death.  LOTR just won best score.  This is a debacle.  Peter Jackson knows it.  They just showed his face.  He had the same look the warden has at the end of Shawshank Redemption when he throws that rock through the poster.  You know the look I mean.  Complete bewilderment and disbelief.  And LOTR just won another one-for film editing.  I think that makes the count like 8 or 9.  Does there come a point where, after you win so many awards, the rules reverse, and they have to give it to you?  (Are you picking up my attempts at optimism here?)  The orchestra is going to strike for shorter hours if they have to play the LOTR music once more.

9:06 PM-  That’s what the Oscar’s needs more of:  making out in the middle of the playing of the nominees for best original music.  We laughed our tails off here.  Eugene Levy in a stinking gray shoulder length wig.  Somehow, a movie with a title like, “A Mighty Wind,” sounds too much like a middle school joke about flatulence to be taken seriously.

9:13 PM-  Will Ferrell and Jack Black.  Presenting the best music award.  This is hilarious.  I’m dying here.  Seriously.  They should have done this before the guy who won for best short action film.  Maybe the guy would have taken some notes.  I’m hoping the song from Belleville whatever wins.  If LOTR wins again, I’m turning off the TV.  Ok, so I’m not turning off the TV.  But they won again.  Unbelievable.  Annie Lennox is accepting the award.  At least she’s not naked, like she was on the cover of her last CD.  Unintentional Comedy Moment #14:  They cut to the music right after Annie got done, and cut the other lady’s acceptance speech.  They cut back and the woman is like, “I just want to say one thing.”  It was beautiful

9:30 PM-  LOTR wins for best adapted screenplay.  Hmm.there’s a no-brainer.

9:38 PM-  Another blow struck in the ad wars for Am. Ex.  Martin Scorsese ripping apart the pictures of a family function.  Hilarious.  Absolutely hysterical.

9:42 PM-  Peter Jackson just won for best director.  I think the cascade might be on.  I’m seriously starting to believe it might be possible.   I’ve got that terrible sinking feeling like the top of the mountain is a cliff you can’t get down from—the next step is off a cliff.  The drama is building.  I’m starting to get jumpy.anxious-like when the D-backs were at Yankee stadium..game seven, and Womack walked to the plate.  High tension.

9:48 PM-  If Charlize Theron walks up to the podium and plants one on Adrian Brody, I am just gonna freak out.  She just won for best actress.  And the pitch.a simple peck on the cheek.  Classy, but decidedly not funny.  Tears.  Stuff.  More stuff.  Last year, Brody brought home the comedy as well as I’ve ever seen it brought.  Absolutely beautiful.

9:57 PM-  I want to see Bill Murray win so bad.  But I like all the nominees this year.  This is going to be tough.  Jude Law is too slick to win this year.  They just showed the clip of Bill Murray and then panned back to him, and it was like he knew he didn’t have a chance.  He had this kind of disgusted, “I’m a beaten man” look.

9:59 PM-  Sean Penn just won.  He should be sending Clint Eastwood flowers every day for the next year.  He just said that he thought it was presumptuous to write a speech.  Isn’t that in insult to everyone who does?  Sean Penn is one of those guys who through the course of his career has offended so many people, that people figure he’s a genius- like somehow, people believe no one is stupid enough to insult that many people, so he must be doing it on purpose.  What if he’s not, and he just doesn’t have the intelligence to keep his mouth shut?  My roommate is certain he is either on drugs or alcohol or both.  Again, this seems likely. 

10:03 PM-  Steven Spielburg came in, and all the actors applauding as an effort to be in his next movie.  Best Picture time. Lord of the Rings did it.  I’m amazed.  Barrie Osbourne just stinking made the night-talking about dating dating Billy Crystal’s cousin.  Hilarity.  I end the night in laughter.  Awesome.  Peace.