They Paved Paradise…
…and put up a parking lot.
I was talking to a friend on AIM tonight. We were talking about ‘the game’. I told him I was sick of playing it, that the reason I moved to CO was to avoid it, so I could bury myself in books and not deal with that aspect of my life at all. I was going to become a hermit for Jesus, and just write stinking books and read and whatnot. My friend tells me this is impossible. Though he’s right, I’m not hearing that. I want to live in the world I create for myself instead, it’s simpler. I like my little rules for myself. I like that they protect me from worrying about it.
I was so specific in what I was asking of God. Just keep me safe, and protect everyone from me. And it worked splendidly for about 3 months. I go home for Christmas, and all you-know-where breaks loose. Seriously. What was wrong with just living a quiet little amusing, joyful life in my little house by the mountains? Why would that have been so wrong? I’m whining. I should stop.
My friend was telling me about a conversation he was forced into having with a girl he was sort of seeing back home. He’s had some girl problems of late, and though some good has come out of it (he has grown a lot), it still sucks for him. I feel his pain. I was trying to tell him for all those years, “You don’t want to see the other side of the tracks, man…” He didn’t believe me. He thought there wasn’t anything worse than rejection. He found out last night he was wrong. There is only one things worse, and I’ll let you do the math to figure out what it is. That’s why the game sucks. I hate it. People get hurt. Inevitably, no matter the reason, good, bad, indifferent, people get hurt. If it’s you or it’s somebody else, someone gets hurt 99% of the time. Most times, everyone ends up hurting.
It was the same when I went home for Christmas. I had a friend with girl problems. Another who broke up with a long time girlfriend. I had another friend who had to break up with a girl because he didn’t feel right about the relationship. I have other friends who are struggling to figure out what the status of their collective relationships even is. And people wonder why I’m a pessimist. I mean, seriously. What is there to be optimistic about? WHAT? It’s been a long night. I’m going to sleep.
(Either I’m on the comedown from last weeks mood swing, or I’m going to be one grouchy person tomorrow. Regardless, I’m done for a while. I’m tired. I’m going to bed.)