Off Balance.

“So I climbed a mountain and I pleaded with the sky.  There was no one round, just some dark clouds in reply.  But I offered some berries and a tear in my eye, cause I was on my own, so far away from home.”  -Steven Delopoulos, Jungle Trail

“I can’t stand the sound of losing control.”  -Bebo Norman, Beautiful You

“Have you ever felt like you’re only comfort was your cage? You’re not alone–I’ve felt the same as you.  Have you ever felt like your secrets give you away?  You’re not alone–I’ve been there too.  Cause everyone is looking, and everyone is laughing, but I think everyone feels the same.  Everybody wants to feel ok.”  -Lifehouse, Quasimodo.

I’m am absolutely reeling.  I feel like one of those ducks in a carnival game that you shoot with a BB gun, and it keeps changing directions.  You think you’re about to making it to cover, and then PING!–another shot, and back across Hogan’s Alley you go.

But it’s my own fault.  I deserve everything I get here.  This is what I get for staying hidden for so long and counting that a solution.  For those of you who think hiding from the world, everyone you know, and yourself  is a solution, count me as proof positive–it’s not.  Be honest with yourself.  What do you really want from life, and what are you willing to do to get there?  Nothing good ever comes to those who shove their head in the sand like an ostrich.  That’s just not a solution.

You can’t hide from your emotions for five years and expect to deal well with emotional issues after that long a hiatus, when you can’t or won’t hide anymore.

You can’t live in pride for a lifetime, and expect to overcome that mountain in a day.  Dealing with pride and returning to humility is not something that will happen in a day.

You can’t ignore an issue and expect to have coherent, understandable thoughts about it when you are you forced to deal with it.

You can’t fool yourself.  You know who you are.  You can change who you are, in time, with effort, but you will always know exactly where you stand in relation to where you want to be.  Always.  Don’t pretend–it will only delay the day until the sun shines again.

And the sun will shine again.  The rain only brings moisture to the ground so that life can exist in the light and warmth of the sun.