Random Mushed-together Topics (Picture-heavy)

The night after my last post, shit hit fans when I got home from going to Ingrid Michaelson’s show.  Polly has been sort of on a trial of Science Diet’s new hyperthyroid food for a few months, now, and between the first and second recheck visit, she’d lost weight rather than gaining.  I had been contemplating over the situation since the last visit, which was a couple of weeks ago during finals, and had decided I was going to call the vet this week to let him know that I’d like to just switch over to meds, especially since I’ll be around to give them twice a day if need be now that the semester from hell is over.  I had actually very generally expressed these thoughts to my mom.  

So, my mom told me she had called my uncle, who is a vet, and he had suggested I just feed Polly regular food and switch to meds.  Now, things probably would’ve ended alright if that was all, but it was how she continued to ramble on about how she decided, without my input/knowledge, to feed her cans of wet food while I was out, and how she "gobbled them up" and was so hungry, and "look at how happy she is now?"  She kept saying those things repeatedly, like she was rubbing it in that I was starving her with the other food.  I tried to say that the point of it all was that I was trying the food, and now that I was realizing it wasn’t doing a whole lot, I was at the point of making the decision to do exactly what she went and did without me even having any part in it.  It’s just the way she goes about things and says things that makes me feel shitty.  And, when I got upset as a result, it lead into a tirade about how I’m basically ungrateful and how mean I am to her, and how I treat her like she’s a "piece of dirt".  So, that was awesome.  She also had started randomly hanging up pictures on my walls while I was out.  I had wanted to choose on my own what to hang up and where.  I’ve already expressed to her a multitude of times that I want to be able to make my own decisions and personalize my own things, but she’s "just helping" me, so I’m not allowed to care, and it would just make me look like a shitty daughter to be against all of the things she does for me.

She also brought Toni into it, asking why she never saved up enough money to pay for living expenses and things like helping me with Polly in the case she couldn’t work, etc.  I told her that her health issues played a big part in that and that she really only made enough to pay for her current living expenses.  She then went on to say, "no, she went out to eat, and she gambled".  Yes, she went out to Olive Garden and played penny slots.  It’s all she had to give her a bit of peace and happiness.  Just like I’m a bit fiscally irresponsible now that I’m alone.  I need to stay sane.  I need to have things to keep me afloat, sometimes.  Otherwise, life is just shitty.  I don’t blame Toni for not being able to afford to help me with all of Polly’s bills, because I just understand.  It sort of pisses me off when my mom gets all up into others’ business when she knows nothing of what their lives are like or really anything about them.

If you want to learn more about my mom/parents, here are some good ones.  The events of the past couple of days pale in comparison to her full potential, so I’m just glad things haven’t been worse.

http://www.opendiary.com/entryview.asp?authorcode=D815385&entry=10177&mode=date 
http://www.opendiary.com/entryview.asp?authorcode=D815385&entry=10216&mode= 
http://www.opendiary.com/entryview.asp?authorcode=D815385&entry=10222&mode= 
http://www.opendiary.com/entryview.asp?authorcode=D815385&entry=10226&mode= 

…While I was looking through my past entries, I came across this one.  It made me cry.  I don’t know…reading back on it, it’s just sort of heartbreaking.  

http://www.opendiary.com/entryview.asp?authorcode=D815385&entry=10176&mode= 

I hope I find a special guy to have that dance with….to enjoy life with.  I want it so badly.

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Here are some pictures from the Ingrid show on Saturday.  I went alone again.  Jaime, a girl I know from high school, was going to go with me.  She said she was going to buy a ticket as soon as she got her paycheck the week after the show went on sale, and then she forgot to.  And then the show sold out.  It’s ok, though.  Seeing Ingrid is always totally worth it, even if I’m crammed into the back-ish part of the venus with tall people blocking my view.  I love her.  I’m even contemplating seeing her a third time this year in August.  This time, I may buy two tickets, just in case.

One of the lead singers of the opening act, a British band called Scars on 45.  They were good!

Scars on 45

Ingrid!

Favorite pic

Beltin’ it out :p

Ingrid + Piano

Bess Rogers (you may remember her from her own show I posted about a while back 🙂 )!

Allie Moss!

Stage setup

Loved when they all got together at the end.

Favorite pic #2.  They were demonstrating how to spoon strangely, ha.

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Today was my graduation ceremony.  I’m not technically finished until the end of August, but I’ve basically completed all of my classes.  There’s just clinical rotations, research project, and comprehensive final exam left.  Speaking of which, I started clinical rotations two Mondays ago, right after I finished finals.  I’m on my microbiology rotation right now and have about 2 more weeks before moving onto hematology.  I like it, but I don’t remember most of what I learned, and I sort of feel like I have no idea what I’m doing at times.  When I’m being instructed, I’m fine, but I was left to try doing stuff on my own for the first time last week, and I felt lost.  Hopefully, it’ll get better by the time the rotation is over…I’ll talk more about it a bit later.

There are some pictures from graduation.  My mom and Tamara’s family took some.  I haven’t seen any of them, yet.  I tend to be really unphotogenic when people take pictures of me, though, for some reason.  The pictures I look good in are ones I’ve retaken 20 times when there’s time to do so.  Or if they’re not close up, ha.  Meh.  I’ve gotten semi-lucky with some, I suppose.  I wanted to get a picture with more classmates, but it didn’t pan out that way.  Oh well…

I don’t know.  I’m jealous of all the people who had lots of family members there.  I wish I had something like that.  My mom was there, but she isn’t into going all out for anything and sort of just likes to go to something and then leave as soon as it’s over.  She doesn’t really celebrate holidays, etc. either.  Tamara’s parents, siblings, boyfriend, and other extended family all celebrated together, even after graduation and the awards ceremony.  I sort of yearn to just have something like that…just have family…family that I get along with, surrounding me and supporting me and celebrating.  Often, I wish my life was way different and less lonely.  I wish it were more like how it was when my grandparents were alive…when I was 5, and my uncle and cousins actually had a relationship with me and were still young and carefree.  I miss my grandparents.  I wish I could have had more time with my grandfather and that leukemia hadn’t taken him away.  I wish breast cancer hadn’t taken my grandmother away.  I wish my family wasn’t so old.  My dad couldn’t come because the trip would be hard on his health.  He’s turning 82 next month.

Welp, this took various turns to dark sides, bright sides, and back to dark sides again.  I think I’ll end it here. ><