Getting back on track (and, whaaat?)

 The past couple of weeks have been sucky for me.  I think the trigger was the first exam I did poorly on, and then, the second one…in combination with a cold and a slight depressive relapse.  I haven’t run in almost a week, and I feel beyond shitty about it, like I’m losing myself.  I was fed up with it last night and started to make some changes.  Hadn’t really gone food shopping in over a month and had practically been living off of Wawa and various other fast foodish places for at least as long, so I finally went last night and bought a bunch of healthy things.  I did a bit of cleaning yesterday.  I’m going to start running again, tonight.  I had wanted my fundraising page to be up days ago, but Tamara wanted to order her Run Team Kina shirt before we took pictures, so I had to wait for that.  It finally came in yesterday, so now we have to find a time and spot sometime this week for said picture-taking.  I feel sort of crappy and behind not having had the thing up by a few days past the start of fundraising, but I guess I do want it to be complete before linking it anywhere.  I just feel behind in everything, as of late.

In other recent news, I finally sent Megan a message straightforwardly asking why she’s been completely avoiding communicating with me.  It wasn’t because of him, she said.  It was because she has a thing about not liking people being over at her house, and she felt like I was asking to come over all the time, so she shut me out.  Now, let me explain why this is absolutely batshitty.  First, in her original messages to me, way back in May, she actually told me that I would always be welcome at her home.  So, that gave me the impression that, well, I was welcome at her home.  Had I known otherwise, I would have respected her dislike of having anyone over and would have been perfectly fine with it.  So, I’m not really sure why she would say that to begin with.  Second, Sean (her husband) had actually offered for me to stay with them until I found an apartment…and then took it back, because "until you’re on your feet", to him, was apparently a couple of days, and Megan was actually trying to convince him otherwise to let me stay there.  If you’re already confused, I understand….I am, too.  Lastly, the majority of my own wanting to come over was simply so I could pick up Sean’s old Xbox that he’d told me I could have.  I was being ignored and given the runaround and had to keep asking about it.  I wouldn’t have even had to come inside of the house.  However, Sean actually for some reason had told me to arrange something with Megan and come over at some point.  At one point, she had said she could drop it off at Andrew’s house, and then he could give it to me, but then she said she was too lazy to do that.  Eventually, Andrew finally got his hands on the thing while over at their house on a gaming Sunday (one of the very few times anyone else is ever allowed over).  Since then, it was fixed by Don, worked, then died, then was fixed by Don again, then died again (argh).

So, anyway, this led her to feel that I was being intruding, wanting to constantly come over (because they were basically telling me to), and instead of just saying, "hey, I just don’t like having people over," she felt it would be "mean" to tell me not to, so she opted to be extra extra mean by ignoring me entirely and making me think I’d said or done something that had made her dislike me.  I don’t know about anyone else, but that makes absolutely no sense to me, at all.  She apologized, calling herself "hurtful", yet, she’s still not communicating with me.  In fact, in the middle of the apology conversation, she just stopped responding completely.  I give up.  I have enough closure just knowing what the reason was, now, and that it’s not my fault at all.  In all honesty, I don’t care about going over to her house or not at all.  All I had hoped for was to maintain good terms and remain friends, as she insisted she wanted to do in the first place.  But, this is what ruined that?  That’s just dumb.  I guess it just is what it is.