Who Am I?

(It’s late, and I’m deliriously tired, right now, so I apologize in advance for my lack of articulateness…)
 
I haven’t been writing as much, lately.  One of the main reasons for that is that I’ve spent a lot of that time thinking…just, thinking.  The majority of the entries I’d written last year were single-minded.  I dwelled in a state of suffering, sadness, regret, pain and anger.  I was allowing myself to be influenced and controlled by someone who was no longer even a part of my life…someone who I can’t even say respected me for the better part of our relationship.  That person will never be a part of my life again, and would never treat me well or make me feel anything other than pain, otherwise.  So then, there’s nothing to gain from holding onto that person if I want a chance at anything.  The only option is to just let it go, leave it behind.  The only option is to go back to doing what I had wanted to do before this all started:  figuring out who I am, who I want to be, and then doing something in order to achieve/express that.

Who I am involves certain desires I have and things that I’ve inhibited.  Who I want to be involves the manifestation of those desires into action/reality.  A couple of those things are already in progress or have existed for some time, but most have yet to be tackled.

Who do I want to be?

Someone who puts others ahead of herself, but still takes care of and values herself.
Someone who makes some kind of a difference.
A musician.  An artist.
A creative mind.
A scientist.
Eventually, a respected medical laboratory director.  Dare I say, even…a leader.
Someone who is openly expressive of her nerdy-geeky-dorkiness.
An independent, self-sufficient woman.
An explorer.  A traveler.  An adventurer.
Someone who consistently seeks and gains knowledge.
Someone who lets loose, when the opportunity arises.

I think this is going to be a big year, for me.

In other news, I scored some very limited (there were only 200, and they sold out in under an hour!) Ingrid Michaelson tickets for a show in Philly two Mondays from now.  Small venue, favorite person.  I’m ecstatic.  And, all attendees will be getting her new CD a day early (possibly signed).  One of my life goals is to meet her.  Seriously.  Actually, my life goal is to sing with her…ha.  That would pretty much make my life.  The following week, I’m going to the same venue to see Lelia Broussard, who is also awesome.  If anyone remembers my post about the Bess Rogers show, all of these people are all interconnected and friends and such.  Which I love.

And now, time for sleeping.