One of Fourteen

Dear Diary,

Holy Cow…2 entires in a row and at this time of night…wonder when it actually becomes morning?  Just can’t sleep right now and I refuse to toss and turn.  Perhaps sharing here will help.  I want to write about this past week.  But… there’s more to share (isn’t there always?) than the actual events.

My mama has/had five brothers and eight sisters.  She is number twelve in a family of fourteen children.  I often wonder how my Granny managed a family that size, particularly when Grandpa died when the baby was one year old.  I know all fourteen weren’t living at home at the same time. When the last baby arrived, several of the older boys were already out of the house.  And after their papa died, they all helped their mama the best they could.  I was blessed to have had my Granny live right across the driveway…on our property…in her own little 3 room house.  It was her tiny haven…her own place…yet she spent as much time in our house as we did in hers.

One of Granny’s daughters…one of my mama’s sisters…my aunt EM passed away early Friday morning.  We are all shocked with the suddeness of her death.  In a stange sort of way, my mama said if aunt EM had died in her sleep or had had a heart attack or been in a fatal car accident, the suddeness would have been easier to accept.  But it didn’t happen that way.

The Tuesday after Christmas, aunt EM went to the doctor with what she thougth was the flu. By the end of the week, the first day of the new year, she said she was feeling some better but she was so tired. On Monday she called her daughter and said she thought she needed an antibotic and wanted her to call the doc for a prescription.  She mentioned that when she blew her nose, there would be some blood on  the kleenx. When the daughter came by, she was shocked to find that her mama’s mouth was covered with blood blisters.  In to the doc they went. And back again the next day when there was no improvement.  {note: I may not have all the specifics but this is how the events were shared with me by the daughters}.  At this visit, the doc ran some blood tests and found the white blood count to be very, very high and the plateletts to be very low.  There was also some concern over  the numbers for the BUN and creatitine levels.  With this information in hand, her doctor sent her to a hospital in Houston to be seen by a particular doctor there.  Before my cousin could call her sisters, the first doctor used the L word and then left.  On to Houston where the new doctor ordered more blood tests and scheduled a bone marrow test for Wednesday morning.  Blood transfusions were given that night.  When I spoke with C on Wednesday afternoon, she said her mama seemed to be doing better, that she was still tired but the blisters in her mouth had gone away.  They had to wait 2 days for the bone marrow test results…and while lukemia was a possibility…it might also be some type of infection.  On Thursday morning, I called my mama, offering to take her and auntie R in that afternoon to see aunt EM.  It seemed that the day got colder and by late afternoon it was really chilly. It started to rain a little… kinda like a heavy mist.  I left mama and auntie R off at the door before parking the car, knowing they would wait for me in the lobby.  When I joined them, they said J had just come in.

Aunt EM has 3 daughters…J (who is 3 years older than me), C (who is 2 years older than me) and J (who is 2 years younger than me and 6 months older than my sister).  When we were growing up, we lived across the street …actually across the vacant lot…from each other.  Many times it was like the five of us lived in both homes…answering to either set of parents…knowing we would be fed, clothed, sheltered, loved and disciplined by any one of the four parents.  The vacant lot was our walkway with a path mowed by either family when the need existed…the trail always easy to find.  Part of the lot was our playground..becoming the volleyball court and providing many hours of fun.  But back to Thursday’s visit.

By the time we got to the sixth floor and found aunt EM’s room, J came out and suggested that mama and auntie R might not want to go in right then.  She suggested that I go in first and explained that her mama is very restless and is having a reaction to some medication.  I walked in and found C and J trying to calm aunt EM .  I won’t ever forget how she looked or how she sounded but I can’t describe it here.  I stepped out briefly to tell my mama to come in if she wanted but that I think she should wait a while before she does.  She didn’t want to go in…in fact she never walked in that night.  At one point, auntie R entered, kinda sideways, and held my arm as she glanced over to the bed.  She quickly averted her eyes and I took her out of the room.  Eventually I guided them down the hall to a waiting area.  When I got a chance, I called my sister to let her know that things really looked bad.  I tried to describe what was happening but I didn’t understand it myself.

C’s son arrived, having left his job at the fire station on emergengy leave.  Before long, we are joined by another aunt, her daughter, her son and his son.  Then comes C’s  husband, her youngest son and the daughter-n-law.  That’s eleven of us in the waiting area.  Waiting for the medication to wear off…the medication that was to help aunt EM relax  actually had the opposite effect…she was on some “trip”.  Actually, I believe aunt EM was struggling… trying to decide whether she should cross over or stay here.  After about 3 hours we knew we were on the downside of the 6 hours that this medication was “good for”. 

At some point, the girls decided they needed to talk with the doctor.  When aunt EM was admitted on Tuesday afternoon, they opted not to sign a directive because they felt no need for it at the time.  When the $h*t  hit the fan that afternoon, they made some decisions and knew that they needed to sign a DNR.  The phone call was made.  Even without the results of the bone marrow test, the doctor was certain that she had acute lukemia and that with her age (83) and other condiitons (possibly some kidney disfunction) he did not advise treatment.  The DNR was put into place with all three daughters in total agreement.

By 7:45 p.m., we had been there about 3 hours and I could tell it was taking a toll on my mama.  I suggested that we could leave if she wanted.  She did.  On the way home I suggested that she spend the night with auntie R and kinda surprisingly, she did.  We stopped at IHOP for a bite to eat. Once home, I was pretty wired and couldn’t sleep.  I was reading on here when the phone rang at 2 a.m.  It was J – the youngest daughter- telling me that aunt EM had passed away and would I go over to J’s – the oldest daughter – so she wouldn’t be alone. 

C and J were coming home to J’s house.

After we left the hospital, everyone else left with the exception of C and J.  Around 9:30 aunt EM became restless again…restless might not be the best description…this time she was given demerol and phenagan and she appeared to calm down and seemed like she was resting.  Around 11:30, the private duty nurse they hired came in as they both needed to get some rest.  They had an 8 a.m. meeting scheduled with the doctor for Friday morning.  About an hour afterJ  got home, she received a call from the nurse, saying that aunt EM’s breathing had changed and the doc on call had been called.  She called C and they went in.  J (the oldest daughter) couldn’t leave because her granddaughter was at the house.  By the time the girls returned to the hospital, aunt EM had passed away. 

On Monday night she was in her own home.  On Thursday night she was in her eternal home.

Dear aunt EM…at peace …so very fast you left…we are gonna miss you…especially your daughters and my mama…you were…

…one of fourteen.

~Susie