plah

Well seems like I don’t know what to write like always
Thomas just left and made me sad
something about sleeping alone makes me feel miserable.
it’s not like I’m not capable at all of being on my own.
I just havent wanted to be
maybe im just being needy.
and my poor kitty lucia cant even come into my room and its breaking my heart every time she meows for me. I have this other cat cocoa. shes a pure bread burmese kitty. shes 14! and cocoa and lucia dont get along at all so i have to keep them seperated. I miss my other kitty. damn me and my love for animals. I got into college again today. either general arts and science so i can get my vet tech after, or paralegal. completely different paths. I could do both and have both under my belt but I dunno.

I will admit I feel so guilty. I went out on the weekend and partied. I did some lines and it’s not as big of a deal as I thought it would be but I still feel ashamed. I did something wrong and I’ve been doing so well.

I love thomas more than anything in the world but sometimes I just feel so alone. I know logically I’m not but I’ve been so needy lately. I hate being bipolar. this stupid mental illness. it drives me crazy. gives me addictive tendancies. I have so much anger inside that comes from nowhere then I just cry after because I’ve said so many things I dont mean.  I don’t know how many times I’ve told tom that I need to leave or how many times ive kicked him out and just because. it’s rediculous. this to the man who wants to marry me someday. have babies with me.  after school! he wants to give me everythig and takes good enough care of me. better than anyone else ever has. *shakes head* I just wish this stupid disease would end. but no. im stuck with it for the rest of my life…awesome. go me!!!