Random Things Again

So, for the most part, I am doing better with my social anxiety. There’s some hot guy at work. He’s a patient. I was changing his bed and he came into the room and started talking about how he just got back from going to the dentist and how it wasn’t fun. LOL! Guess I will have to try and strike up some kind of conversation with him soon…He’s so hot! Too bad we can’t date the patients! And too bad they are addicted to drugs and alcohol too. It’s hard to believe I am still working at that place.

For a while, I didn’t go to dance class…from like August/September to January I didn’t go. I didn’t have the desire. But I go now.

I don’t have the mood swings I used to have. My compulsive shopping…well…I didn’t shop for a while last year and then in like June I started up again and in the fall again (around the exact time as the prior year) I got in a lot of trouble with the bill collectors and whatnot. Over 10,000 dollars in debt. So again I had to have someone pay off my bills. It’s the same person as last time. And I am currently paying them back. Not good. Haven’t been back on anti-depressants. Stopped taking them in like September of last year. My counselor wants me back on them but I can’t afford them. Speaking of which, I have to go to the doctor again sometime. And I don’t want to because I hate going to the doctor. LOL! Tomorrow is my first group therapy appointment which I am kind of nervous about. Sorry this paragraph is going to be just one big update of random things I guess. I am still having a really hard time relating to people my age at work. That’s tough. Ashley is still there after she was supposed to leave in December of 08. Yeah right. She’s very confrontational and nosey. Still. I am intimidated by her. Big time. Some things never change I guess. I still to this day have never had a bf before or gone out with friends. Ugh! That isn’t good but hey it happens! And, as far as Borderline Personality Disorder or Avoidant Personality Disorder and being Bi Polar and all that junk, who cares?! I don’t focus on that crap anymore. Until just recently, I was diagnosed with OCD and my mind was RACING constantly with every thought in the book but that’s stopped. Thank God. And, as far as driving is concerned, I haven’t been behind the wheel of a car since I was 21 I think…I’m not as stressed and don’t have the panic attacks that I used to have…sure, sometimes I get them but not a lot of the time. Someone in my "notes" asked me why Ellen got fired. Truth be told, I don’t know the exact reason. However, I will tell you that I think it had something to do with her being on her cell phone. We are not allowed to be on cell phones due to confidentality rules at work. So I think it was because of that but I’ve heard a million different reasons. And one of them was that she was involved in counseling and her health insurance (for whatever reason, I don’t know why) sent her a letter in the mail that said she had to quit work or else be fired…that doesn’t make any sense to me….there must be more to the story or whatever but I don’t know. Weird. I think she divorced her husband. She left about a year ago. It’s so much better without her too! No more garbage.

I love you all and haven’t forgotten about any of you! Seriously.