07/15/2009

Um so a lot happened today.

That patient that asked me out and who was 50 years old….Oh my! I saw in his luggage that he had a CD entitled something like "Songs for a Romantic Evening". HAHAHAHA! I thought that was so funny. It had some really lame songs on it too! Like, one of them was "Raindrops Keep Falling on my Head." HAHAHAHAHA! That gave me a good laugh!

Okay, so in response to all of your notes…I am/was not diagnosing myself when I said that I thought I had Borderline and whatnot. Those were just things that I figured I might have and rather than be on edge about having them and not doing anything, I thought it would be a good idea to get moving and see if I couldn’t get diagnosed. That’s all. No biggie. I honestly think I am done worrying about that for right now.

So…I made brownies and brought them to work today because Bill asked me to! And there’s that counselor who is about my age that I wanted to make friends with at work…she’s new….so I always force myself (and I say "force" because of my social anxiety! LOL!) to say good morning to her. And, also, today I told her about the brownies. She said "Oh" and shut the door to her office in my face. Which I thought was really rude. I was so disappointed. Here I am trying to make a new friend and she treats me like garbage. So much for that! 

Today at work Ashley told me that I need a man to buy me things. I said "I don’t need anyone to buy me things" and she looked at me as if I was nuts! LOL! What I really wanted to say was "I’m not a princess like you!" LOL! She told everyone at the lunch table that I need a man and that she wanted to hook me up with someone. My face was sooo red and she said "Oh…Sorry Steph." 

As far as counseling is concerned, I am still really, really stuck. I think I am going to cancel my appointment on Friday. And to be honest just cancel all other appointments with the counselor that I have now. I figure that it is such a waste of time. What’s the point of going if I am not benefiting? Instead, I will keep that appointment that I have for Monday. Well, to be honest, I’m not really understanding my health insurance provider booklet. Why? Because it lists like 4 names for this place that I am going to go to on Monday. Which obviously means that I can go to those 4 people and it will be covered under my insurance. No problem right? Wrong. According to the receptionist at this place, she said that the only person who would be covered under my insurance would have a 4 month waiting period. Yeah right! That’s why I would have to pay 90 bucks every time I go. So I don’t know as if this is going to work out or what now. I’m confused as to what to do. Not much of a choice in my insurance book. What I like about the one I have now is that I don’t have to pay a co-pay. But who knows?! I’m going to record ALL of my sessions with my webcam on my laptop. Just so I can see the progress that I am making and have it for future reference. I’ll also allow some of my online friends to view it but it will be under private on you tube. I don’t want the whole world knowing my problems. I really wanted to go to this one counselor. I know that she’s a really good counselor because she is the host on a local radio program where teens call in and discuss their problems. Come to find out, she’s only for teens. I found out on the internet. Oh well.

More vids are posted on You Tube if you’re interested. Some firework videos from the 4th and some videos that include me going to the asthma and allergy specialist. Who, by-the-way, I have to see again on Wednesday. Yuck! I have to discuss the results of my blood test with her. I am allergic to grass and cats. Oh well. I am so not getting rid of my 4 cats! I love them to pieces.

Um…what else? Let me think. I talked soooo much at work today! The most I’ve ever talked. Great! My anti depressants are helping.

I feel so misunderstood by my counselor….Hopefully I will have good luck with the next one!