06/07/2009

So the thing is that I am making a lot of progress. I am not out of the woods yet but I am getting there a lot quicker than I was before. There’s a guy off of You Tube (other than the other one that called me) and we’ve been e-mailing each other. Yesterday I gave him my number and he said he would call me later on in the week. That’s great! I’m can’t fault myself for trying. However, even I am making such progress, last night I was really lonely. And I felt far away from God. I prayed and asked God to help out. He did. I feel better today.

There are 3 meetings that I want to go to today. One is a prayer and praise meeting for God, another is that social phobia group over the phone and the last one is a general recovery meeting.

Last night we couldn’t find out cat, Bernie. I was scared to death. We have this what we call a "cat pen" outside. It’s actually a small dog kennel that my dad took the door off of and put the side without the door up to my bedroom window so that the cats could go outside. But Bernie somehow climbs up the chainlink fence and escapes. We called him and called him all day. Doesn’t he come through the window at 11pm last night! Ah! I had to leave the window closed all night so he wouldn’t do it again.

At work we still haven’t filled Ellen’s position. LOL! It’s been months. We haven’t even had any interviews for the position! We’ve advertised in the paper for the job but the woman at work who is involved with the interviews (Human Resources) waited like a month before calling them and they all had found jobs. Not too smart!

I e-mailed the church that  I want to use for my social phobia group. I think I am going to use the internet to conduct some meetings and I signed up for a free conference call number that I am going to use as well. I really want to get going with this. I think that I will use the conference call meetings for a place where people can have free group therapy. As I’m not a counselor, I would have to say that in the beginning and have some disclaimer. It ought to work out though. I will post the number and details on here as well if anyone is interested. And, remember tonight at 9pm eastern is another social phobia group over the phone if anyone cares to go. Did you hear me yesterday? I spoke a lot at the end to that man.

I really appreciate all of the help and support that you are putting forward for me. Thank you everyone oh so much! Let me just tell you all of my life (or most of it anyway) I’ve been ridiculed. So it was hard for me to take this risk (to get help). Thankfully, I am doing so much better.

This may sound stupid but if anyone wants my number please tell me in a note. I’d be more than happy to give it to you.  You may ask why. Well, I’ll tell you why. Because I think it will be good for me. For support and friendship connections. I already gave it out to one girl in particular on here. Told her to call me sometime. I encourage you to do that and I will leave it for you in a private note.

"I’m come too far. No, I can’t go back. Back to how it was…." Interesting. I’m listening to Switchfoot’s "This is Home" and those words stuck out to me. "Belief over misery. I’ve got my heart set on what happens next. I’ve got my eyes open. It’s not over yet." "I’ve got a brand new mindset. I can finally see the sunset." Wow! I believe that’s God talking to me. Something similar happened to me last night. I told you that I was feeling lonely. Well, I was listening to Lifehouse’s "Broken" when I saw…well, you know those boxes on the right side of the screen with other related videos on it? There’s a song by 12 Stones called "The Way I Feel" that was there. I remember listening to that song months ago but never really thought about that song again. Well, it was there. I listened to it. It says, "I hate the way I feel tonight" and it fit me to a tee last night. How weird is that? To me, that’s amazing.

Sorry to talk your ears off. I just needed to talk to someone this morning.

GUESS WHAT? After writing that above entry, I had to press EDIT and write this: TODD! Remember Todd? My good friend from work who got fired? OH MY! He emailed me! YES! I contacted him through classmates.com and he responded! He’s going back to college now! I told him to call me! HAHAHA!