Just my ramblings…

Last night was horrible. I had panic attacks that lasted for an hour and a half after I laid down to go to bed. All I could think about was my counseling session. I couldn’t believe I had actually told someone all the junk that happened. I was embarrassed. And, obviously scared. It was like, what were you thinking, Steph?! Are you nuts?! I’ve NEVER told anyone any of that garbage before.

Today was busy! I meant to get up at 6:30 because I wanted to take a shower before I got to fitness class but, even though the alarm went off, I ended up waking up at 7:15! Why? I went back to sleep. So I didn’t take my shower. I went to fitness class and the woman who runs it (who I love, by-the-way), told me she’d help me with SAZ! Oh my! I totally forgot about SAZ. The reason why she knows about it is because I have at the end of my emails: Executive Director, Starting at Zero. That’s great! She said she would provide the music if we ever had a benefit! Which is wonderful! YEA! I still have to get the budget off to the lawyer. LOL! I really need to do that! Oh, and that’s another thing. They are going to offer a women’s self defence course at the same place! I’m going to enroll.

So, after the exercise class today, I went for a walk. There’s a nature trail walk that I went on. It lasted for about an hour. Took some photos. I took about a 2 hour walk. Not all on the nature trail. Then I went to the ice cream shoppe! LOL! But I didn’t get ice cream. Instead, it was so hot out, I got a slushie! I love blue raspberry slushies! And it’s not like it has the fat in it that ice cream has. YUM! It was great. I waited around for about an hour and a half until my weight management program started. I wish, honestly, I never signed up for that. It’s kind of like Weight Watchers. Eating on a fixed menu will be difficult for me. I really don’t want to do it but I think it’s the best idea for me. Change for the better.

Okay, I start my Curves diet tomorrow. Eww! And I also start my food journal tomorrow. We’re having some contest at Curves where, if we keep a food journal, and keep track of our steps by pedometer, we show it to a Curves staff member, we can earn a free picnic at the owner’s house. Big deal, I know. A picnic. But we are in teams and I want to try and win this contest! I won’t go to the picnic though.

I don’t know why but I am so tired. I’m so exhausted. Hopefully eating better will make me feel better. I don’t eat too bad now. However, I do need to make it better. Understandably so though. I have a busy life. I walk, I go to exercise class, work, get up at 5am every morning, go to Curves, go to the Curves Weight Management,  counseling, etc.

So, as far as anti-depressants are concerned, I am not taking them. I made up my mind. Too many side effects. I can just take St John’s Wort.

I’ve been craving my chicken wings like crazy! I don’t know what it is but honestly! It kills me. I’m hungry all the time and believe that this new diet is not going to help with that. I think most of it has to do with boredom and filling a void. Oh well. I wish I didn’t eat so much!