Unexpected dinner.

I went out to dinner last night with my married ex-boyfriend who is also one of my best friends.  If that sounds super awkward to you, you will remain correct even after I explain the situation.  Heh.

He called me about a month ago and said excitedly, "[Inmate], I’m moving back down to TX."
I asked him whether or not he told his wife this, since she’s lived in NC all her life.
"Yea, I did." -defensive- "She’s excited about it." 
Even with that said, I doubted he’d make the move, especially with a month deadline.  So I wasn’t worried. 

(BTW KOOL-AID IS FANTASTIC.)

Well, I stopped having contact with him last week- that was when he was supposed to have moved down here.  A few days ago I realized, ‘Holy crap… he DID move down.’
And yes…  He called me up yesterday and we decided to go out to eat after he got off work.  2100.  Not too late.  Haha, I was freaking out.

BACKGROUND STORY:  We dated seriously a long time ago.  He was the first guy I ever truly loved.  Unfortunately, this was around the time I had more mental issues than I could handle- I was a complete disaster but he loved me anyway and saw me through it the best he could.  To this day I will admit that I would not be here if it weren’t for him.  I broke up with him because I eventually couldn’t handle the relationship on top of my emotional wreckness.  We went through obsessive talking/ignoring spurts but true emotions don’t go away.  Time passed and he entered the USMC.  Before he was deployed, we still had plans to marry one day. 
He returned from the Middle East and got married a few months later to someone he’d just met. 
My best friend, Jeana, was the one to break the news to me.  Me and him, we never even broke up.  He just… got married.
What’s funny is that the two of us are like 2 halves.  I know him almost as well as he knows himself and vice versa.  It’s creepy because I feel like I’m talking to myself sometimes.  Thus, I knew a few things without him even talking to me.  1)  He loved me and that wouldn’t change.  2)  He may not have loved her at that moment but he saw himself as being happy with her.  3)  He chickened out from trying to make it work with me- yes, it would have been EXTREMELY difficult.  4)  He didn’t tell me himself because he was scared he’d lose his resolve.

I saw him once since he got married.  It was supposed to be just him, me and Jeana for dinner.  We were about to walk in the door when she slammed her hand against it to prevent me from opening it and said, "[Inmate], he’s here with his WIFE and his MOTHER.  If you want to go home now you can.  You DON’T have to do this."  
Well, we went in.  Neither wifey or mother like me OR Jeana.  -.-  I tried, I promise!!

Anyway, since then, we’ve gotten a lot closer.  This year especially, we’ve really been talking again.

Which is why, including the events of last night, that I have a nagging suspicion that he’s here in Austin only because of me.

I’ve needed one-on-one time with him for years because I need that finishing talk.  That hokey "We live different lives now but we can still hang out every once in a while cuz we’re great friends." speech. 
Unfortunately, he wants to continue where we left off.

I wasn’t having it last night (because I want to move on!).  And I was super proud of myself.  I love him (I can admit that here) and it’s not easy to push that to the back of your mind.  But it was something that needed to be done because I will also admit that while I’m not the world’s best individual… there is no way I am getting in the middle of a marriage.
That was HIS decision.  While he may not respect it anymore, I do.  Marriage is life.

I don’t think we connected last night.  We had too many different agendas and so many different things going on inside of our heads that we only scratched the surface of what we needed to discuss.
There will be a few more dinners before we get things worked out.

But tomorrow Jeana and I are going canoeing.  Neither of us have ever been so it will be the world’s biggest adventure.  Haha.  My dad said he’ll pay me just to come watch our first 15 minutes of trying to get the boat thing in the water and get it going in a straight line.  I blew him off.  Punk.  Lol. 

-INMATE-

Wearing:: Black sweat shorts, black and white sports bra, vivid orange mesh tank top.  And socks! 
Feeling::  Adventurous!!!!!!!!!