Project Uplift.

Remember me mentioning that I got crunk at Austin City Hall on New Years and danced through the streets in a parade?  Apparently my girls and I were enough of a hit that someone contacted my director and said they wanted us in the front of the parade next year and collaborate with some other hotshots.  I don’t know.  I just do the manual labor.  XD

Heh.  When Kelly was here last, we took a trip to the International House of Pancakes.  (It just so happened that we took that trip on International Pancake Day and there were free pancakes and I was a REEEALLY happy camper.)  We were being seated and the waiter hit me in the face with the menu.  It wasn’t hard, it was more like a tap, really, but the waiter flipped his lid.  He practically peed himself and had the worst time trying to figure out which one of us to apologize to more profusely- I’m sure he was debating on which one of us was going to stand up and pulverize him.  As it should be… I like it to be known that I can take care of myself and whoop my own ass, thanks.
But a menu…?  Please.  You would probably have to punch me in the face first to get me to fight.

I don’t think Kelly (Mr. Wallflower) is used to off-the-wall, unwarranted attention like that.  On the contrary, I attract awesome people like flypaper- that’s one of the most fun parts about being me.  Like the time we were wandering around downtown (we had to see the bats!  Too bad we were looking in the wrong direction.  I still haven’t seen the bats.  I STILL WANT TO SEE BATS!) and some dude asked if we had any change for his alcohol consumption.  His parting shot was him telling Kelly how lucky he was to have such a gorgeous girl.  Heh.  Kelly and I weren’t going out then, so even though it was dark I’m sure it’s safe to say we were both beet red.

My dad yelled at me once… while we were traveling to Dallas for So You Think You Can Dance…  we were at a Subway.  He asked why he couldn’t take me anywhere without guys giving me special attention and waiting on me specifically. 
I was very confused.  See, (everybody’s pet peeve) I’m oblivious to flirting.  If you pass by me, chances are likely that I will automatically give full eye contact that lasts for a few seconds and then vanishes.  The end.  That doesn’t mean I’m necessarily interested, that just means I acknowledge you are not a zombie and you pose no threat to me.
So I admit it:  I’m a bad female.
Awkward moose, maybe.  *Sticks one thumb on forehead, fingers splayed*

I’m still sick.  I think now it’s more in my mind than in my body.  I’m a little depressed, fo sho…
Just lost and confused.  Listless.  I’m still exhausted, mostly cold, and not really wanting to do anything.
I just really don’t want to go to the doctor again and pay another $150.  What I really need is some good R&R- shopping, a good meal… I think that would do more wonders than anything.
Cure the spirit, cure the body.  That sort of thing.
I’ve thrown up once in the past… [expletive]… I should start editing myself from now on, heh heh heh… 10 days!  Of course, I’ve been uber sick but it’s still impressive, I think.
My dad’s being better about the fact (I told my parents) than I thought he would but he’s still being an asshole, picking on what I eat even more.  Just gotta ignore him.

While I was down, I did begin predicting WWIII.  Got through how it starts and the main countries to be involved then got stuck.  I don’t know enough to take it from there.

I’m on Spring Break now.  It is going to be a long week.  But maybe recovery will be swift and I’ll be tearing apart the house doing who knows what by Tuesday.  That’d be nice.  It’d be nice to work out again.  My body would loooove that.

I have borrowed Season 3 of the X-Files though.  Most of these episodes are familiar to a deep dark part of my brain.  I think X-Files is a strong culprit of the bad dreams I’ve had over the years.
You know, the less TV I watch, the fewer dreams I have?  I stopped watching TV period and I eventually stopped dreaming.  Which was a very good thing because I’d started having really bad dreams again.

Kelly’s surgery happened, barely.  He says the pain is still awful but I’m holding out that the pain will ease.  I don’t believe it will ever fully go away but I believe that if he wants it bad enough, it will become manageable.  I am just not sure anymore if he wants to get better. 
I haven’t talked to him for a while.  Being so sick, I knew I couldn’t handle my condition and his at the same time.  We text often but that never replaces a conversation. 
I know this is totally in my head but sometimes when I talk to him I cringe.  I’ll ask how he is and he says "Miserable, horrible yada yada yada…" It just comes off to me that he is furious at me for keeping him alive.  I don’t like that feeling.  I don’t like second-guessing the sanctity of life, or my optimism.  I don’t like that at all. 
So I’m just not sure what to do and in all of this, I’m drawing myself away from him. 

I need a big project, something to occupy my time since all of a sudden I have so much of it on my hands. 
Drawing requires too much patience.  Writing requires skill that I’ve lost.  Reading is too mundane.  I’ll probably just go clean my room again.  Maybe color coordinate my clothes. 

I need a laptop.  I need to go badger my brother to find me one cheap on the internet.  The last conversation I had with my brother was about his new pet cat.  It was 10 minutes long and I don’t know what is worse-  that it took me 5 minutes to realize he was talking about roadkill or that I continued the conversation for 5 more minutes after that realization.
We’re two peas in a pod, anyway.  The two of us are more alike and probably look more alike, than either of us resemble our parents.  I think that’s a major reason why we’re not closer than we are.

INMATE