Things have all gone wrong.
Thanks for all the wishes, but I guess I should have asked for the luck in GETTING me to the Beyonce audition.
The family dog has been sick- shaking, wheezing, unable to open her mouth past an inch or so, doesn’t bark, play, or move, really. It’s so unlike her.
This morning I woke up at 5:53, showered, shaved, dressed, ate, looked cute… and the dog was worse.
Together, as a family, we decided to stay home.
The dog is what holds my parents, my family, together. Right now my dad is sleeping on the living room floor with his arms wrapped around the poor thing. I would have felt soooo bad if I would have insisted I go to the audition and the dog died.
Despite this, I still feel horrible. (Lose/Lose situation, anyone?) I feel like I chickened out of going to the audition (Did I?) and that’s the worst feeling ever. My parents gave really good reasons but I see them as excuses.
I don’t know exactly how to handle this.
Now, at least, I know how to prepare/pack for an audition. I know I will have other opportunities.
We’re saving the money I’d reserved for the audition in case we need to bring the dog to the ER. I mean, she’s REALLY sick and we don’t know what’s wrong with her.
I don’t know if I’d have the money to bring her. I’ve already paid for the mortgage and the last time the dog went to the vet.
It seems like all I’ve been doing for the past FIVE years is saving money and I have just over a grand in da bank to show for those FIVE years of working.
How in the mother of fuck am I supposed to buy my car?
How do ghetto people in the movies do it? It seems even the most ghetto ninja has a car. Do they steal it? Compound lot? ::scratches head:: Hell, if I have to make my own car, I think I can research enough to do it.
I need a cell phone, too. Do they steal their cell phones? Cuz a lot of the ghetto ninjaz have cellulars, also. *Sigh* At least I have internet.
Did I mention my parents didn’t have money to go grocery shopping this week? We’ve got enough leftovers in the fridge so it’s no big deal but… sometimes it scares me how poor we really are.
In typical Inmate fashion… I will let out everything that has been bothering me for the past month or so that I’ve been pointedly ignoring, waiting until it builds up so much it explodes. ::nods importantly::
So… if you value your sanity… move on from this entry.
Jeana’s not been answering her phone. Before XMas break she was all excited to come home so we could chill and shit. Yea, we’ve seen each other twice. The last time I talked to her (a week ago or so), she said that she couldn’t hang out because she got bored and went to Houston.
Since then I haven’t been able to get ahold of her so I finally called her house a few days ago and her mom told me (as if I were completely daft), "She’s gone to TN." I was like …Okay. She said she’d wanted to chill. What the hell’s she doing outta state?
I’m sure we’re growing apart from each other. I may not like it, but it’s a fact of life. People move on.
Gah!
My parents have been bitching and screaming almost every day. Last Wednesday, my mom came storming into my bathroom where I was cleaning and demanded, "Are you staying here or coming with me? I can’t live here anymore!"
I tried to hug her but she was too upset. I just said, "I can’t make that decision so quickly."
She said, "Fine." And went to pack her suitcase.
She ended up staying, but…
I’m tired of the games. Thank God I’m older now and more mature, able to handle their krazee shit.
It used to be bad when I was little but it was nothing like this.
Anyway, I’d called Jeana on her cell to beg her "PLEASE TAKE ME AWAY FROM THIS HOUSE! My mom is packing and my dad is a brooding figure of T-R-O-U-B-L-E" but she didn’t answer her phone.
So, without me having a car or any friends within walking distance or a cell phone (since my dad was online- I had to tentatively borrow my mom’s cell to call Jeana in the first place)…
I holed my ass up in my room and pretended everything was okay. Just like I did when I was a little kid.
Except I couldn’t draw as a kid and now I shaded in an old picture of Mickey Mouse I’d drawn.
Sigh.
Today is going to suck.
Somewhere…
Somehow…
Things have gone terribly wrong.
† INMATE †
Wearing:: Red PJ pants and the ugliest unmatching sweatshirt invented. As soon as I realized I wasn’t going to the audition, you couldn’t have paid me to look cute anymore.
Last ate:: Some cool Trail Mix I made for the audition. >.< I need to go make me 2 qt. of Kool-Aid and down it all to keep me from eating to allay the depressedness inside of me. First I’m going to look at my favorites… maybe y’all can cheer me up without even meaning to. : )
Feeling:: Let down? And dreary days don’t usually get me down, but it’s definitely dreary out there and it makes this Saturday morning the dreariest morning I’ve had in a loooooong time.
Nail polish:: Fingers- Plum to Pink Toes- Iceblue Pink w/ Twinkle pink glitter ^_^
I’m really sorry about your dog. I hope all goes well with her! And you didn’t chicken out, you needed to stay home; you’ll just be more prepared for the next audition.
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Babes, you are amazingly resilient, and I know that you’ll make the most of your next audition. In the meantime, you can feel good about making an incredibly selfless decision. It might not mean much, but I’m very proud of you. *hugs*
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Awww I’m really sorry about the puppy doggy…and the ghetto people thing…not all but mst …its drug selling…don’t get me wrong…i’ve done it…and at the time it was worth it because its how i survived..RYN: lmfaoyou sound like my friend dannay who toldme he’d be like….sitting in the cornor yelling and holding sharp objects….good things will come along darlig things just take time <333
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Your heart & mind would not’ve been on the audition because of your beloved pet. Don’t dwell on the “might have been’s” but instead on the “next time’s”. Direct your positive energy… Do I sound like a hippy or what?!? If I had the cash I’d send it to you for a car, I enjoy our correspondence THAT much. Unfortunately, I haven’t that kind o’ ca$h.
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One last note. I’ve seen the pictures you’ve posted in pages past, and believe me, pay you enough or not, you’d have a hard time NOT “looking cute”. (I hope that came out as positive as I’d hoped it would…) Today’s entry on my “Brain Stew”, is dark, edgy, and positively laughable. It took me only a couple of minutes to think it up yesterday, where as everything else I strain over. ENJOY!!!
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Awww. *hugs* I’m sorry you didn’t make it to the audition… and I hope your dog’s okay. 🙁 It’s really hard to take care of things like sick pets when you don’t have the money. I can relate to the parents thing. My mom talks about leaving a lot of the time, but she can’t because she wouldn’t get custody with her mental illness. It sucks. When things get bad, I listen to my iPod up in my
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room. Music + seclusion = somewhat better situation. 🙂 Friends help a lot too. They’re wonderful people. I hope you start feeling better. Sometimes you just need to be depressed, though, as long as you can pull yourself up and get on with life when you need to. We have a car sitting in the driveway with no tail lights because my dad is LAZY. We could get at least 3k from it… wish I
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could ship it down to you. It needs tail-lights, though. 🙂 ♥♥♥
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Happy New Year, Babeh! <3 How've you been? It really weee-lee effing blows that your pup is sick. :[ I hope dawg gets better. <3 As for the dance, there’s ALWAYS going to be a next time for you. 😀 And as Charolette says, “Chin up.”
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gosh..we get alot of those cases at work…. cant say anything else.
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I should have read them backwards so I saw this one first. I am very sorry to hear that. I am sure you would have been amazing. Good luck in the future. Honestly if I ever do need a dancer for anything I will let you know. ~DK
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As far as money goes, I’ve been there, but I was much younger, and of course, not working to help out. The parent thing though…my parents divorced when i was little….so it’s just been my bro, me, my dad, and his family……. but umm yeah..where in south austin do you live exactly??
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Im really sorry about your dog. I know what you are going through. I went through the same thing with my cat a year ago and we had to put him to sleep. Im sorry about your audition. Next time! There will always be next time. Thats awesome that you have that much money saved in the bank. Thats more than I can say for myself. You should be very proud of yourself!
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I almost won a million dollars tonight, but as it would seem, in conjunction with my usual string of “close-but-no-cigar’s”, I was short one zero. To RYN: The new product in question was the “meat saw”. The disclaimer came as an after thought for the blog itself. I just pictured myself being subpeonaed in some court case in which some nut used my “total package” to cover up a murder. C-ya!
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I don’t know you well and you don’t know me well but *hug*. I’m sorry, honey.
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thank you for your suggestions. it is overwhelming and i never realized how awful i really eat until i started recording all of it. it’s nice to get tips from a fit person instead of sympathy from a fat person. never thought of freezing yogurt. stopped eating it because it has gelatin in it and i’m vegetarian. will have to check if any lack that ingredient.
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I’ve got three diary’s altogether
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wow…hope the dog gets better…as well as the home. your decision was not selfish and your intentions were good…you have a true heart. and as with all true hearts…it seems that life is most cruel to those. i hope that the sun shines down upon you and gives you a break….for you deserve it. james
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you should have gone to the audition. the dog would probably not have died. you need to make lots of money independence is everything. my life would be perfect if i wasn’t a drug addict. lol
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dude…wtf….are you gonna be okay…move to fl..its warm here and we’ll chill lol you cn teach me to dance and we’ll take care of the doggys
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I’m so sorry about your puppy! I hope he gets to feeling better!! as far as the car goes you can always go to a car auction. look in the paper for repoed car auctions. perfectly good/ minimal repair cars! Good luck with everything!
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Oh, I’m sorry about the audition, but you’re right, there will be others. Beyonce is not the only one who’ll ever need dancers, and it just wasn’t the right time for you. It does REALLY suck that your parents make you choose. Shouldn’t be. Are you still in school?
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Ahhh why didnt you go? Its okay though. There is always more things that will come up from you. I feel for you and the parent situation cause I DO know what your going through. And I am BACK with my parents after like 5 years of being on my own. It IS hard dealing with that. My mom and I have so many issues too. Hang in there okay!? (hugs)
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I’m sorry about the doggie. ::hugs:: Been down that roa way too many times myself. For a car, you might try police auctions and repo auctions. You can get some decent cars there for pretty cheap.
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awww…poor dog…that just made me miss our old dalmatian… 🙁 i don’t think those were just excuses…because if i were in the same situation i would’ve done that too
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