5/3/05

Sooo… Hi.  I don’t know why I say hi.  Habit?

I’m at dance, like that’s a big shock to anyone.  I kinda just want to go to bed. 

My ex is marrying someone else again, and I’ve finally decided that I’m through with his bullshit but… it’s hard.  I won’t lie.  However, there’s never been something Inmate has decided to do that Inmate has not done.  Probably unfortunately, at times.  “Hey… I’m going to drink bleach.”  “Hey, let’s staple myself.”  “Hey… I am going to hurt you.”  But anyway, lol, you get my point.  I figure there’s no point in trying to love someone who has no idea what he wants so he retaliates at his feelings by hurting the people he loves.  ::takes a deep breath after that long philosophical sentence::  Yea.  And I mean that.  But it’s not like I’m not going to talk to him or anything.  We actually do need each other badly, but… I don’t know if he knows that yet.  It’s like fire and water.  I don’t know which is which but… it’s like that.

It feels pretty good to get all of this shit out in the open.  I don’t think anyone reads it, but that’s cool, that’s cool, I mean… I’m not picky or anything.  I just like a place to get my thoughts out in the open where homies I know can’t get at it.  Maybe in a few years I’ll be like, Hey… you wanna know something…?  And all my friends will probably be like, “*GASP* You didn’t tell us you were writing this WHY NOT I would have loved to read it…” 

But people bug me.  I don’t know why, but it’s getting worse as I get older.  I get along with all kinds of people, brats, snobs, idiots, druggies, posers, preps, moms, dads, authority, etc. etc. etc.  But I think I’m starting to have people phobia.  I am around them all fucking day, unless I’m taking a shit at home or sleeping.  And in my dreams people are always there too.  It drives me insane.  However, there would be no way possible that I could ever become a recluse, because I hate the country living.  I don’t necessarily dislike nature, but… I am a city girl.  I like all of hte bright lights, and the impersonality of the streets.  So… I’m pretty much screwed.

Life is grand.,

Peace, motherfucker.

-Inmate–