Hello ….is it me you’re looking for?

Hello everyone. Yet again, I have abandoned my diary (not on purpose mind you) I’ve been busy working and going to school. I’m still working on my associates degree in Medical Coding & Billing and still working at Wal-Mart (though I kind of hate the job) Can’t really quit though because it pays my bills…that’s all it does though. I’m looking for something else. Either I’ll find it in the store by doing something else or go and find another job completely. Its hard when you’re stuck between choosing to be happy or to put up with what you have because it does the bare minimum to get you by.
I can’t say that I haven’t been trying to find something else. I’ve been on several interviews which none panned out. But I’m not a person to give up easily. I’m persistant in a lot of things, especially when I want it really bad and I know I want to get out of this cashier job and move on to something that makes me happy. All of the people that I know that work with me has said that they hate their job. It seems like that’s all we do is work and when we have time off, we still don’t have time to ourselves because we’re trying to make up for the things that we didn’t get to do while we were working.

As far as school goes, its a neverending battle. I’m taking online classes and I have one teacher that does not help me at all. The first week I couldn’t find the assignments so when I finally did, I was behind a full week so now that I’m all caught up, that week that I missed hurt my grade. I tried telling her about this, and she of course doesn’t seem to care. I guess because its not her and its not her grade that’s going to end up costing her her financial aide. If I get through this, next quarter I’m going to make sure that the teacher is thorough about the assignments and where everything is. I had this teacher before and I should have known it was going to be a waste. Its giving me a headache just thinking about it.

Speaking of thoughts, I’ve been thinking about having children lately. So much so that I asked my mom a few weeks ago if she would mind being a grandmother seeing as my mother is not the type of woman to like kids too well. I’m not saying I want to go and get pregnant tomorrow, it’s just been on my mind lately and I want to have children within the next two years. All of my friends have children and honestly, I feel a little out of place because I don’t have any. Its almost impossible to find a man that doesn’t have any or that doesn’t have more than two. But at the same time, I see so many girls/young women out here having kids back to back and the burning question that I have asked myself is, "Why is it that they can get pregnant so easily, but I can’t?" The ones that constantlyr yell at their kids but yet will go and have five of them by some bum and post "I love my children" a million times on facebook. I never understood that.

I made a poetry book. I’ve always written poems, but I took a long hiatus from it and simply forgot about it after awhile. Now I’m back writing in my book again and I have gone over some of the poetry that I’ve written and I did not realize I had so much anger and hurt. Granted, I don’t write in it everyday but when I’m feeling a certain way, I’ll bring it out and write. Its become somewhat of a comfort for me.

Well, that’s all I have for now. I hope all my OD friends are doing well.