Alright so..

I am aware it has been FOREVER since I’ve gotten a chance to write..and I can feel it too, I have been miserable not being able to write down what I’m thinking because I don’t really feel I can talk to many other people around me here in Denver.  So my laptop has a virus I’m pretty sure..everytime I try to get on the internet it locks up so I hit Ctrl Alt Delete and it says "internet explorer not responding" so..I want to take it into Best Buy or Circuit City but it’s kind of hard when you’ve got no $$..the more I think about it the more I hate living here. I hated Miami but good grief at least I had money..sometimes I wish I would have taken the job as a dancer..money isn’t everything though.

so I won’t update everything because that would take entirely too long..but I am very confused on what to do about my boyfriend. I try talking to my married friend about it but our relationships are way too different. She’s nice and listens but I can tell..I feel like I’m naggin too much to her about it anyway..

it’s just that we’re growing apart…a lot. He told me he’d come out to visit me in Denver but never came..he could never get off work (he’s in the Navy) and had rugby season on the weekends..I came to his house in Florida for my whole Thanksgiving break, and went to see him for Christmas as well, he hasn’t made  a trip out here..what’s more..this is the second weekend since rugby season has been over and he’s planning a trip to Virginia (where he used to be stationed) to a girl friend’s wedding on saturday..then after the wedding he’s going to drive to Virginia Beach to party with some buddy’s until Tuesday. I’m not saying he can’t go have fun with his friends..but it just makes me feel like I’m not important enough to come see..

now I’m not sure if I get to go back to Florida this summer because the hotel I worked for doesn’t provide housing to people who work there for the summer season, only the actual interns (which I am not anymore). I don’t know when I get to see him again..and I feel he doesn’t even care. The last time I saw him was January 2..

now he hardly ever calls..I have to call him if I want to talk. I asked him about it and he said "I call you when I tell you I’ll call you back or you ask me to"..

..I don’t know what to do. I love him but I don’t feel like he’s really into it. I always told myself I wouldn’t be a fool for a man like I saw my sister and best friends do..I am very confused. I do not want to break up but when I think about it what else can you do? You cannot change the way someone is. If he’s not into making this long distance thing work how can it? I feel like our relationship is crumbling apart