more bad news
Bad news once again…it seems like if there’s anything bad, you name it, it’s going to happen to me
go I go to the doctor the other day..everytime I go it’s standard precautionary procedure to get tested..the doctor calls me today and tell me I have an STD…"I swallow hard and ask how that is possible" ? I mean I know how it is but I haven’t slelpt with anybody but my boyfriend. GOD DAMMIT..why? Why did this happen now? Why did something bad happen AGAIN to me? So, the facts are: I was fine when I went for that check up in the end of June but now I’m testing positive with an STD (it is curable but still humiliating and embarassing)…it’s obvious, well a fact, that I got it from my boyfriend..I haven’t slept with anyone else.
Now he’s thousands of miles away and I have to tell him…over the phone. I’m so scared. I don’t want him to get mad and blame me or accuse me of cheating on him I have never even thought about it! I just don’t want to point fingers but that isthe ONLY way I got it. I feel ashamed. I’m terrified of what he’s going to say…if he breaks up with me I don’t even think I can go on anymore..I found someone, the person I want to spend the rest of my life with…
The doctor called in a prescription for me and told me it would be gone after I was finished taking the meds…but she told me that I have to tell him to go get tested as well. He has to hurry up and take the prescription medicine too so if and when I go to visit him on Thanksgiving break he won’t give me it again. The doctor told me he most likely got it from an ex and doesn’t even know he has it, because most men do not show the signs of STDs, just women.
It’s been ruining my day and my mind’s busy. I want to say the right words so he’ll understand. I’m scared. He’s pretty understanding and told me he wants to marry me. I called my sister and cried so hard to her, he told me that if he’s serious about our relationship that it will be alright. I guess she’s right..
I’m just so upset. I’m constantly crying..it seems like the past year a lot of bad things have happend to me…I am feeling depressed and I can’t really tell anybody. Now I’ve got these prescriptions to pay for, I need gas in my car, I’ve got to buy a text book for my Vegetarian class..my cell phone bill is almost five hundred dollars…I don’t have all that money I just started my job!! What am I going to do?
I either want a glass of whiskey or a rope so I can hang myself