Numb

I am so numb from being disappointed time after time again. Kurtys got in touch with me again. Said he missed me. Of course my deparate and weak self welcomed him back with open arms. But afterwards, I knew he still didn’t wanted to be with me. So I sent him a message saying we shouldn’t be friends. Then he responded, that that is probably a good idea since he is not looking for a serious relationship, Yeah, no one is ever with me at least. I almost wish I never see him again. So the pain is back and I am numb again. Going through the motions of life. Trying not to let anyone know how depressed I am. I cry just about everyday. Nothing cheers me up anymore, not even the thought of going out anymore or shopping. I hate always being "the single one" It only gets worse the older I get and someone is always there to remind me of it. It wouldn’t be so bad it it was only a few years, months, days, etc but I NEVER had anyone. I”ve always been single. I AM 26 AND NEVER BEEN IN A RELATIONSHIP. I keep asking God, Lord, when will it happen for me. Why am I so different? What am I doing wrong? What is wrong with me? I know its me. I betcha no one can beat my record. I’ve been single for 26, soon to be 27 years! 

 So back to being numb.