Feels

Urgh. Feels.
So annoyed and just like. Sad. I guess.
I don’t like being in London, I want to be nearer home. I don’t like this job. I know I’m lucky to have one. Doesn’t mean I have to like it. I’m so bitter. Such a terrible person.
Especially because the only reason I’m writing this bull is because my little sister just mentioned getting another cat. I am so pathetic. And jealous.
Like, I’m so proud of her for finally moving out and having decent friends for a change. I’ve always tried to support and encourage her and she’s done so well, obv low moments still come, I don’t even know what doseage of anti-depressants she’s on..
But like, the one thing I really want, pathetically, the one thing I really aspire to do other than be an Art Therapist is to have a fucking cat. So stupid but. She just like, off-handedly says "Can’t wait to get Molly and another cat"
(Molly is a cat she has already and so that’s fine. I don’t care, Molly is her emotional support puss.
The place she’s moved to right, Molly has to stay inside because the garden has dogs in.. They don’t get on with cats. This is no problem, Molly is pretty much an indoor cat. )
She knows how much I want a cat. I know it’s not deliberate but it feels like she’s rubbing it in my face.

I’m just homesick. I went to my big sister’s place for the weekend so now I’m back in London.

Here’s a secret: a pretty big part of me kind of hoped I wouldn’t get onto the nursing course so that I could move and be nearer home.
I’m really glad I did get in but. Jesus. Two years more of this depressing fucking lifestyle?! I haven’t even cried like this since I moved back here after Muzz broke up with me like, two years ago.

I well need to grow up.
Sorry for this, but I guess it had to come out..