Life

really like to mess things up.

Muzz broke up with me.

-fancies another girl and declared love to said other girl. Was rejected.

-doesn’t want to be with me forever (no one asked him to)

-doesn’t want to live together (but has no interest in alternatives)

He’s basically thrown me and the past 3 years away because he doesn’t want to be with his first proper girlfriend for a prolonged period of time. For no actually valid reason.

At first I thought I’d try and persuade him otherwise, using various methods. Eventually he decided ok, lets try until the end of June. He doesn’t finish uni until like the 25th, which means absolute stress right up till then, so not really giving us a chance at all. He also showed a distinct lack of enthusiasm for anything me related. So I told him today that I was fed up with his indecision, his prolonged pointless fantasy of this girl (who, needless to say ticks all the boxes I do and a few more), his ability to lie and pretend when it suits him, and that I couldn’t deal with it. That it’s over. This whole thing.

I know he won’t feel remorse. I know he must be relieved.

Stupid fuck.

And he was just diagnosed with psychosis. The one stability in his life he decides he can do without.

FML

PS. I am aware it could be worse. Doesn’t stop it feeling shit. I do actually still love him. Completely.