Depression.

Seriously. If I ever have to deal with another person (on a very close personal level) who has depression, or is likely to develop depression, or whatever. I will seriously run a billion miles.
The past year, M was really unhappy. Since my younger sister and mother are both known for their depression and are being treated for it, I sort of knew straight off what the problem was. But I’m only his girldfriend so my advice of going to see the Doctor or the counselor was completely ignored. So while he’s spiralling downwards I’m the one keeping him together, trying to keep my cool while he tells me over the phone how easy it would be to just end it all and throw himself in front of a tube train.
This leaves my nerves completely shot to pieces. Anyway. He does eventually get himself sorted out. Goes to the Doctor, goes to the counselor. Which is great ^^ BUT it’s like. The last month of the whole University year. I know it’s difficult for him. Seriously. I know all of it. If I didn’t I can honestly say I would have left him a while ago. Depressed people often turn angry and direct it completely at you. It hurts. I know I’m not a wonderful person but they was you end up feeling about yourself. You just have to take it and remember that it’s not him, it’s the disease saying those terrible things.
At the end of June, we went on holiday to Cornwall for two weeks with my family. We both had a great time. But during the second week he went quite downhill in his head. Think high cliffs, think stormy seas, think piers at night. I’ve never worried so much in my entire fucking life.
The worst part is when I was trying to console him and he held his breath long enough to nearly pass out. He wanted to die. There and then.
He’s getting better and better. But a very close friend to him and his family, but he was especially close, (adult, aged over 80) just passed away. I don’t know how to deal with this. I dont’ know if I can. I’ve never had this sort of thing to deal with before with any one of my friends, let alone my suicidal depressed boyfriend.
 

HELP?!?!?!

xxx