Conclusion

I’ve reached the conclusion that because the majority of my enteries written after September 2005 have something to do with Robert, I need to cut him out of my life. I spent the night at his place February 3 and 4th and I called him when I got home Sunday afternoon (5th.) I sent him a text message on Monday and I didn’t talk to him Tuesday so I called him Wednesday but he did not call back and here it is Saturday and still no call. I don’t feel the need to talk to him everyday but because I’m so accustomed to some form of interaction (phone, email or text message), since he’s stopped all communication I really don’t care and I will let him know this. Giving myself to him was the WORST mistake of my entire life and if I could do it all again, I wouldn’t. I wish him all the best and I hope he finds what he’s looking for. I don’t want someone with no money that wears his hair in a pony tail and doesn’t know what he wants out of life. Sure he talks about it, but its all talk. I need someone that can bring something to the table not me constantly bringing. If he calls me, I won’t answer the phone and I wont return his calls. The Realization: Tina, Ingrid and I went out last night and we had a good time. I was telling Tina all about my issues with Robert and she said that NEVER, NEVER, EVER under any circumstances is a woman to go to a man and never do anything for a man unless he plans on doing something for you first. She makes perfect sense. I realize that I’m always going to him and doing things for him but he has done nothing for me but stress me out for the past 4 or 5 months that I know him. Since Robert says we are Friends w/ Benefits I think I need to cut him as a friend because he has done nothing beneficial for me. I don’t sleep with my friends and if that’s what he’s looking for then he needs to move on because I’m so sick of the games. I need a man that’s into me, that’s going to be there for me regardless of the bad times and man that is determined, and financially secure that can stand on his own and not be dependent on my check or connections. ARGH!!! ARGH!!! ARGH!!! I really can’t cry because each time I give up, it really takes a lot out of me and because I didn’t learn the first time and I went back and I kept giving up, I really have no more to give up and no more feelings. Its a good thing I didn’t love him.