I’ll hide my sexuality when you hide yours

Tonight, I learned about the recent experience of Lapriss Gilbert, a black lesbian who got kicked out of a federal building for wearing a Lesbian.com tee shirt. Apparently, a security guard approached her and demanded that she leave under the threat of arrest.

Luckily, said security guard found himself in a rather lonely position, crouching on the creaky limb he climbed out on. Another security guard later escorted Ms. Gilbert back into the building and to the head of the social security line she had been headed for several minutes earlier. And the original guard’s actions have been denounced as inappropriate.

I found out about this story because another writer (no link, sorry) agreed with the security guard’s actions. He went on to lament how some gay people insist on letting everyone in viewing or hearing distance know about their sexuality. Of course, he assured his readers that he doesn’t hate gay people because he doesn’t want to see straight people advertise their sexuality either.

I won’t argue whether he hates gay people. I will, however, call his claim that he doesn’t want to see straight people advertise their sexuality completely hogwash. And I’ll tell you exactly why it’s hogwash. It’s hogwash because I sincerely doubt he has ever complained whenever he’s seen a man and woman walk down the street or through the mall holding hands. And yet, that man and woman have sent a clear message to everyone in viewing distance that they are heterosexuals. I also doubt that he has ever complained when a coworker has placed a picture of their spouse on their desk at work. And yet, that coworker has clearly indicated to the entire office that they are heterosexual. I doubt that he has ever complained when he’s seen a man check out an attractive woman who just walked by. And yet, that man has announced his heterosexuality to anyone who cared to observe him at that moment.

Okay, in fairness, any and all of those people could have been bisexual rather than heterosexual. But that’s irrelevant. Even then, it’s clear that these people have broadcast information about their sexual orientation by their actions, and anyone within viewing distance now knows something about their sexuality. And yet, our writer who insists he doesn’t want to know about other people’s sexuality regardless of whether they’re gay or straight didn’t say a word. In fact, it’s likely that he never even gave a second thought about these and similar incidents.

And that’s the truth. People do little things all the time that broadcast their sexuality. And most of us ignore them. We certainly don’t feel the need to complain about the fact that unwanted knowledge about their sexuality has been thrust upon us. So why does the fact that a woman decided to broadcast that same information by wearing a tee shirt result in a different response?

One likely reason for that difference is that the person objecting to a Lesbian.com tee shirt automatically thinks about what the wearer of the shirt does in her bedroom. And that’s what the objecting person really wants to avoid. And I don’t blame him for that.

However, I do take issue with his attempt to blame his tendency to think about what gay people do in the bedroom on anyone other than himself. And that’s what this is really about. You see, he doesn’t see a man and woman walking hand-in-hand and immediately start thinking about how the couple might get freaky later that night. Instead, he thinks, “Look, a nice couple. Now, do I want to go to Dick’s or Sears first?”

The real solution to his problem is to quit obsessing over what LGBT people do after they turn out the lights at night. The real solution is to re-train himself so that the first thought that comes into his mind when he sees a woman in a Lesbian.com tee shirt is, “Oh, she’s a lesbian. I wonder how my team will do against the Raiders tonight” rather than “Oh no! A lesbian! I wonder how much carpet she’s licked so far this week! Ew! That’s disgusting!”

Of course, he doesn’t have to solve his problem at all. He can go on suffering through the troubling thoughts he has whenever he’s confronted with someone who has a sexual orientation that makes him uncomfortable. But if he thinks that’s the fault of LGBT people, he’s deluding himself. And ultimately, he has every right to delude himself.

But he’s nuts if he thinks I or any other LGBT person is going to feed into or otherwise enable his delusions.