IN 15 MINS…

You never know what could happen in the span of 15 min. I learned the hard way Sat. At 3 a.m. my Mother expired and for 15 long mins I had no Mom, mentor, shoulder, backbone, strength, best friend no Mom. She was gone and I was alone and I had no knowledge of it until Sunday when I saw her in ICU fighting for her life. The shock of it didn’t hit me until Tues night when I realized I lost her. From Sun to Tues, I was in it has to be done mode, finding places to do her final services and etc. It didn’t hit me that I hadn’t eaten or slept since Sat night. I went on and on and on until I felt like I was going crazy. I felt dizzy and sad but I felt nothing at the same time. I have known for years that Mom wouldn’t be here but was it supposed to be this soon? I haven’t graduated yet nor have I gotten married and she HAS to be there for those right?!!?!? RIGHT?!?!? RIGHT?!?!?!?!?!!! I found myself Wens in a daze of confusion and sadness and emptiness and I prayed. I prayed to every deity there is in an effort to save her….. give me just one more day, second, minute, hour, year, month,week——- just another chance to hear her voice, or tell me to shut the hell up! Just ONE MORE CHANCE GOD PLEASE!!!!!!!!!! I need her. I can’t do this without her. Don’t do this to me please! Don’t take my Mom. She’s the only parent I have. Don’t not now. I’m so close!! Just please bring her back! Thursday after many visits and prayers from family and friends even those who have never met her, she opened her eyes and saw us there. I thought it was the end and she’s saying goodbye. She wasn’t breathing on her own and seeing those tubes down her throat and seeing her not moving made me feel like I had lost her already. She looked at me and squeezed my had and I knew then it was over. It wasn’t it was ust the beginning of a recovery that is more than MIRACLE. She’s fighting and hard. I had that chance to tell her how I felt and I did. Then she stuck up her middle finger at me and gave me this here she goes on that mushy crap face and I knew Mom was going to pull through. It never dawned on me how 15mins can change someone’s life- sometimes forever. Mines was. I have a new perspective in my OWN life and I know she has it too. HP has been as supportive as he could. I am so grateful to all those who put up prayers and blessings for her. She had strangers pray for her. She has touched so many people in her life and I know when it happens, she will be missed.