What the fu@# is my problem!!!!

I’ts midterms at school again and I have bombed every test in math and stat. Little stupid mistakes that I seem to keep making and it’s making me so mad. I had to cry because on all my homework in stat, I’ve yet to get over 5 and I lose points for stupid stuff. I want to take it personally and IDK why. I feel like crap. Then to top that off, I haven’t hit the treadmill in a week one day and I feel like I’m losing control. I’m back to eating and not in moderation. Why? IDK. But I feel like total crap and I want to get rid of this feeling so bad. So I drew posters to motivate me and hung them up around the house. I haven’t dreamed of Reggie again since that last dream and I feel like I’ll never find love. I have hit a major slup and I can’t get out of it. Then I watch Zoe on Thursday and Fridays and that takes away 2 study days and I do it because I love my neice and not out of obligation. Zoe mom thinks I’m jealous of Zoe. Honestly, jealous of an infant who is my neice?!?!?!? Bad me! All becuse for Valentine’s Day we took the kids to Build-a-bear and didn’t invite her. Why didn’t we invite her? Because she is too loud and ghetto and always has something to argue about and I get tired of being embarassed out in public by her. Bad enough I have to deal with the kids and James but her and Zoe too. I have my own family. We aren’t joined at the hip. Hell Bishop does so much for her and she always sings his praises, do it with him. I never have anything bad to say when she would call me and say Zoe got this and that and I got this new this and that. I got to get the kids a gift and I get this. Jealous of Zoe!! Bupkus!! Everything is falling apart and I feel so helpless to stop it. I just got finished eating two cupcakes and I want to puke. I knew I shouldn’t eat it but I did anyway. I have to take a stand like I did the last time and keep with it. I just pray I can. Then Ari hit Da in the freaking eye with his drumstick and I just know I’m in for it. I haven’t told Ms. yet cuz it’s not that bad. It’s swollen and he has a little scar but that’s it. Then the school calls about Ari and his fall at school and I get into it with them kinda. I know I’m not crazy and yet they want me to believe they’ve never given me a copy  of any report and I know I have in the past. What the F@#$ is wrong with them says this observer.