Going…….Going……

  Well its been a while since I’d written an entry, and I figured the first entry I’d write would be a picture/update one cuz I still have pictures from Halloween, the Wedding and Christmas that I wanted to post but didnt.

  But I changed my mind, and I’m writing this entry about my Poppy, whos not doing so well. He just turned 83 in October, and up until about 8months ago he was still going strong. Out in the woods all the time. Cutting down wood for fence posts in the spring/summer, and Christmas trees in the winter.

  He started having trouble with his bowel and in operations, pieces were taken off numerous times, but of course the doctors said that everything was taken care of each time. Eventually, the whole bowel had to be taken out and Poppy got the colostomy bag on his side. No more bowel.

 After the operation, he seemed to be doing ok. Not his normal self of course, but still doing alright. Then, he landed in the hospital a few times. Dehydrated to the point of almost death. If he had of stayed home just one more day, the doctors said, he wouldnt have made it. Close call.

  This past month has been horrible. Hes been in and out of the hospital. So weak that he cant even stand up, or walk to the bathroom on his own without stopping to hold onto something and to catch his breath. To this day, he swears that they did something wrong to him in the operating room. Maybe they did.

  The last time he landed in the hospital was the week before Christmas, just before the wedding actually. He got up through the night to get a drink, was too weak to walk and fell down. He was inches away from the old radiators they have of splitting his head open. A few days later, they let him go home. The retired Veterans, which hes a member of, got him a nice hospital bed and they put it downstairs so that he wouldnt have to worry about climbing the stairs anymore.

  I was asked to work Christmas Day but every year since I can ever remember, we go up Grannies and Poppies. Since this is going to be his last Christmas, I refused of course, and went to visit Poppy. He looks horrible. So skinny and pale. His eyes are dead in his head. He has the look of death upon him. Its hard to believe that this is the same man I’ve always known. A man who was so independent. Always wanting to do things for himself. Never having, or wanting, to depend on anybody for anything.

  Now, he lays in a bed staring at the roof. Telling everyone that he doesnt want to be here anymore. He just wants to go some place else. Not only does he have a colostomy bag for the bowel, but they decided to put in a catheter because his kidneys are failing. Its only a matter of days now.

  As I sit here writing this, tears streaming down my face, I dont want him suffering any longer. Of course no one wants to see him go, but if he doesnt want to be here then he’s not happy. And thats not what I want for him. Every time I’m alone, every time I’m in the shower, every time I’m sitting for any amount of time, I’m thinking. He’s continuously on my mind. Every time the phone rings, I’m expecting it to be “the phone call.” I know I shouldnt think the worst until I absolutely have to…. but we all know its coming… And its coming sooner than later, sadly enough.

  Heres a picture of Poppy with Philip at Philips Christening in May’04. This was shortly before the first operation.

Please, everyone and any one who reads this… Please say a prayer for my Poppy tonight. Please say a prayer for me because I’m supposed to go see him tomorrow and I dont know what I’d do if something happens before then. Please…………Thank you.

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