Back for Sanity

I don’t really even know what to say, aside from I’m tired, cranky, irritable, getting a bit emotionally overwhelmed to the point of near numbness – intellectually I’m terrified of this virus, emotionally I’m so drained I’m only really feeling it in spurts. Distance learning is tough, the kids don’t really want to do it, especially my oldest (6) son Speck.  Everything is a battle and he has SO. MUCH. WORK. every day!  He’s only in first grade, and it’s just insane at how much they expect him to focus on!  Peanut and Kenobi are missing getting more of my attention, Bear needs help with every single thing she does (she’s in kindergarten and apparently gets frustrated very easily with her school work – her poor teacher!) and we’re waiting to see if they are going to go back at all this year.

It’s surreal.  Just surreal.

I started taking antidepressants for anxiety right around Christmas time, and we upped my dosage after a month and a half.  It was going well, until we added in more stress of all of this, and man do I feel like I’m failing by needing to up my dosage again but I really think I need it!  Frequently it feels like someone is reaching into my back between my shoulder blades, grabbing everything that’s there, and twisting.  Sounds fun, hmm?  Ugh.

There are wonderful things – Peanut turns 3 tomorrow and we’re having a Mickey Mouse Clubhouse family (just us) party for her.  I’m going to give her a scavenger hunt, with a “Mystery Mouseka-Toola” to use, and when it finally arrives next week, her big present is bunk beds for her and Bear, and a Mickey Mouse bed set.  Can’t wait! I wish it was going to be here on time, but that’s okay.

We got to fly a kite yesterday – Speck really loved that!  The wind was perfect, and my Mom’s best friend gave us some she had from when her kids were younger that she didn’t want to take to the new house when they moved.  That’s going to provide a lot of hours of fun this spring and summer, I think.

Okay I’ve been hiding in my office long enough.  The kids are suspiciously quiet, so I’m going to go see what’s being destroyed or eaten. Hope anyone who reads this is healthy and hanging in there.

~Luthie