that was fast

Wow. I broke up with the ex like july 15th. Until a few days ago we still talked a lot, he even slept at my house once and we cuddled. As i wrote earlier, i decided that was a bad idea and i needed to stop talking to him to feel better so i totally cut him off. needless to say, he was upset. but he still acted interested, told me how much he liked me and how he was sad about what was happening. Less than a week later, he updates his website, which i still read because it’s funny and he has some conversation with an ex-girlfriend posted and i was sad because it was the fun kind of conversation that he and i had stopped having or maybe never had but that i wanted to have. also, i was always jealous of his exes because i just never felt cared about and i felt a type of competition with them. not that i thought he would leave me for them, or cheat on me or anything, but some he still seemed fond of a couple of them and i always felt like i didn’t really stack up to them. i always thought that if he were in love with me like he was with one of them, he might have been more affectionate (neither of us ever crossed the love boundry with each other). after posting that conversation his relationship status today on facebook is complicated. so i guess he’s probably getting back with his ex. Not only is it kind of what i’d feared, that he liked whatever ex better than me, but also wow, 11 days after the breakup. one week after he stopped cuddling with me, stopped sleeping in my bed. probably about 5 days since we last spoke when he was all super into me. that was fast.

then again, i guess i would have done the same thing with work guy, given the chance, but that was only because i felt very intensely and liked him a lot. so i think he probably is in a similar situation of liking this woman a lot. i guess i’m glad he’s happy but something about him just gets to me. oh, jealousy pangs, go away. i don’t care if someone else has him, really. i just don’t want to feel like he never really cared about me. i know he did so i should stop worrying, i suppose. that relationship had more drama than any other relationship i’ve ever been in and i’m tired of all this drama.