7/15/07

i was pretty happy being single, i was in a good single groove, even enjoying it, cherishing my independence and making things work without being depressed. i didn’t even want to give up my singleness when i found a guy i really liked, and i never like being single that much. then i caved in and got into relationship mode and of course now it’s back to the same old because relationship mode always gives way to some sort of needy mode at some point and now i’m  single and not remembering how i enjoyed it at all and not wanting to enjoy it.  i don’t even want to enjoy it. i’m in such a stupid place that all i’m looking at to make me happy is finding a way to make the relationship work again. that’s stupid because it’s not like i’m pining after this guy as the guy i want to marry. but we did have a good thing going, i liked him a lot and i’m so damn stubron… i just think with some tweaking things could have been great. maybe i’m mad at letting the potential go. maybe i think he’s hard to replace because he’s so unique. maybe the whole thing was just really comfortable and i’m idealizing it all but something in me can’t let this one go. the stupidity of all this is further amplified by the fact that the breakup was my own doing. so i have no room to complain.