2/8/07

i’m starting to miss having a boyfriend. not any actual ex boyfriends, but just all the boyfriend stuff. i’ve been single since the end of may and that’s the longest i’ve been single since my first serious boyfriend at 16 (so six years later…) i’ve spent most of my adult life in relationships, most of them serious, and i need a break, a long one. but i miss little things.

i mostly miss it at night. kevin and i used to spend a lot of nights together, most of them without fooling around, just cuddling and doing homework and watching law and order. i miss that a lot. i would spend the whole day alone or whatever, doing my thing, getting work done but at the end of the day it was really nice to have someone to unwind with. i miss other little things too, stuff that no friend is going to do, like doing laundry together. what friend will accompany to do my laundry? yeah, no. maybe kevin spoiled me because he was excessively attentive and i knew  i could call him up any time to get dinner, stop by, do homework together, etc.

i haven’t spent the night with anyone since kevin and i broke up. that’s like 8 months or something. i’m open to just having flings, dating around, whatever and enjoying being single but i’ve been excessively picky lately. within 30 minutes of talking to someone i know what their faults are and why i couldn’t be with them long term and even though i don’t have to accept those faults just to go on a few dates, they turn me off too much to even get interested in a person. i feel like i’ve had enough dating experience that i can tell after talking to someone only a few times if they would be a person that i would want to end up with or not, as in permanently. and lately i’m just not that attracted to very many men. basically i’m too picky. but lowering my standards seems wrong. so basically i suck at flings….