Trapped

Inside my head…

Cory is amazing. I think about him a lot when he’s not around. Sometimes, wishing that he was. He’s funny, sweet, charming. He’s cute in his own way. When we’re together, or I’m talking about him to Lace, I desire to kiss him. I know he’s mad about me. One snap of the finger and a quick "yes", and he’d be mine.

Why don’t I want that? Why have I not spoken the magic word? Why are we both still single? Something inside of me tells me not to. "Please don’t do it Melissa, you’ll break his heart." And, I would. Because right now I have those feelings for him, but what about tomorrow? what about a week from now? would it even last a month?

I’m just now getting used to the fact that I am single and I’m beginning to feel comfortable. I don’t believe Cory is my Prince Charming, and I don’t want another "pretend-to-be". I want the real thing. The Butterflies. The Rush. The First Kiss. The Love. I want Love. And I’m willing to wait for it.

But what if Lace is right? What if I’ve built up this image of Prince Charming and his white horse, that I can’t see what’s right in front of me? 

All I know is that I’m not ready to make anything official. Not ready to make any decisions. Not ready for either of us to get hurt. 

————————————————————————————-

On a complete opposite note,

My date Friday went really well. Dylan and I went to a sushi restaurant and had some delicious food. He had never had sushi before, nor had he ever used chopsticks. It was so cute to watch him try. So insecure about it, but he never gave up. Aftewards, we went to the movies. He held my hand and kept pulling me close. It definitely looked like we were a couple. When we walked in to sit down, all eyes were on us. Maybe just on him. And for a moment, I felt on top of the world. I smiled at all the girls that stared. The movie, He’s Just Not That Into You, was wonderful, for a second time. (haha, i loved it the 1st time I went, so I made Dylan watch it with me again). It ended about 12:00 and we wound up back at my house, on my bed….

Now, Dylan is one of the sexiest men I know. Should I say "men"? Because most of the time, I think Dylan is still a boy, not yet a man. He’s old enough, but not strong enough. However, he’s got the killer brown eyes that suck you in, even when you’re trying to resist. One touch and you melt. One kiss, and you’re done. He’s beautiful, but poison.

I haven’t really talked to him since Friday. I wished him a Happy Valentine’s Day on Saturday and that’s it. I wonder if he just sees me for the sex. He’s says otherwise, but  I know the truth. You’d think it would sting, but honestly, I think I see him for the sex too.  It’s great, what can I say?

He doesn’t want a relationship, neither do I. But if he wanted one, would I? I’ve had feelings for him since 7th grade. That’s a long time. But anyhow, he would never want a real relationship, because that’s Dylan.