Every Time…Always Pain

Of course..as I mentioned in my last entry…Eric’s home. Please tell me this is normal. Am I still in love with him? If there was anything I could do right now..I’d scream at my conscience from my heart and tell it to stop telling me that I miss him, that I’m better without him. Why can’t I just do that? I realize I’m boy crazy. Addicted to boys. Addicted to the feelings. But most of all, Addicted to him. I know he’s home, I don’t want to run into him…but I do. You’d think that the more I go through this pain, I’d be strong. Inside there should be a brick wall surrounding my heart, surrounding that part of my brain that lets him in. But there isn’t. And I’m alone again. This is the feeling I cannot share with anyone. Its mine and mine alone. The first thing that was ever really mine personally is a heartache. Is this fair? Or am I just complaining once again?

Get over it. Yes, I know.

Get over it.

I need to leave this Town!!!!!!!!!

Bring on college already. Bring on the rest of my life already. Bring it on…again.