Happy Halloween! and nanowrimo

Wow, a month went by, how the hell did that happen? I don’t think I’ve done enough to justify having been busy this month. You tell me.

I rallied! I went downtown to protest corporate welfare, the subsidies and trax loopholes some people and corporations and banks get, while smaller institutions pay all their taxes, fees and bullshit fees.

There are things I have to make clear whenever I start talking about this because when I state my position, people are quick to be up at arms about it. It’s amazing peopke have a strong reaction against something I am "passionate" about.

I am not a whiner. I am a survivor. People are quick to label me with self fufilling prophecies and read me law of attraction bullshit. And after I decimate those things with reasoning and questions people can’t and don’t want to answer, instead of me being right, I’m an asshole.

Even when I shoot a place down for being "beneath me," my abilities for low pay, I apply and with the most enthusiasm I can muster. I don’t physically go in to talk to someone until I can. People treat me as if I sabotage applying for some reason, like I want to do that shit for the rest of my life. People don’t want to admit that I have done a lot of leg work, applied the most I have in my life and that the problem may not actually be me.

Handouts. I get the republicans and basically old people don’t want to carry the weight of those without. We did it to our parents when we were in school, we did it to our bosses when we nagged them with our little needs when work headed to their big crunch time and put you aside. I am not on unemployment although I want to be because I want what I (italicized) paid into it. I want that back, I have contributes for over 20 years and it’s not there for me when I really need it.

I’ve done some reading and dvd checkouts from the library every week. with books, I’ve read business books, networking, success story books that disappoint me. I want to know about all the shit that happened before the big success, not how everything came easy after. I want to know how to get thru the day after day with no progress, how parents and society tell you to go back and do the shit that gets you nowhere towards what you want your life to be.

I’m not afraid of hard work. People are quick to jump on that. I’ve DONE hard work my whole life, lasted longer tha the others and was around when it came time to be promoted, only to be left in shit because I was good at doing the grunt work. I would just get more shit to do, so then my performance went down while I looked for another job. this has happened at every job I’ve ever had.

The 2 jobs I’s say were the best ones I ever had, things would change at work, I would state my case to supervisors and nothing would be done about it. then the perks of the job would disappear or be made unavailible to me.

Or I couldn’t get the non holiday, non peak time to get a few days off for the one thing I saved up for the rest of the year working the major holidays for people when "no one" should expect to get the major end of the year holidays off that certain people always did.

I’m starting nanowrimo this year. I have the ideas, I have the time, really. I have drive, at least in bursts. My problem or "challenge" is dicipline. I’ve been on my own schedule for a year and can meander with everything whenever I want to.

I yelped daily for a few months and I just got burned out without any accolades that the site offers, while reading about how newer writers have. And guess what the reviewers had in common? slutty pics, suggestive reviews.

Yelp was supposed to be a site based on merit, I’ve been to too many places where cute girls dominate. Honestly, I have no idea why women bitch about equal treatment in the workplace. Every job I’ve had (in hospitality) they get the better breaks, schedules and tips. And they bitch that others aren’t doing enough for them, which is the truth.

Let me see if I can link my nanowrimo profile. If I can, you can check up on my progress there. If not, the secret goal I have is to write about my last year, to organize it in my own head and to mail a flash drive copy of it to about 30 of my closest friends, if that’s possible. It’s the people I thought of when I was suicidal wnad wanted to them to get my last messages. I decided those are the most important people I’d want to write for, anyway, regardless of what our current "status" may be.

I hope I have the dicipline to finish, I could use a victory.

Happy Halloween. This is the second year I haven’t been able to afford my favorite holiday. My promise to myself will someday avenge these years by going back to Knott’s scary farm, Bonnie springs (screams), Queen Mary haunted shipwreck and lastly Calico, one I have never been to.