I know, I need to go back to writing regularly.

I don’t want to rant. I am depressed. I feel like I can’t do anything to get out of unemployment without hearing no. I have to be some kinda miracle worker for a chance at part time minimum wage. I see and know the games being played, the bullshit companies do. And I gleefully apply, offering my social security and my entire schedule to not hear anything back. I have no criminal record, I have no spouses or kids to interfere with scheduling. I spend all day mustering the cheerfulness, can do attitude to go in there and put up with the "check in lady" who does their best to deter anyone interested in being there while joking around sarcastically with the people working there that don’t want to be there.

I shut down a couple of profiles on social sites. I got tired of reading people gloat about what they bought or how they’re otherwise being irresponsible with their money and time when I work harder than I ever have in my life to get employed at some shit job just to put that piece of paper in my checking account. I know it doesn’t do me much good to shut myself off an "inhibit my networking." But I have written for months about my plight, broke down and asked for help and received awkward conversations and no response to my well thought out prenentations on what simeple things people can do, by maybe word of mouth and nothing financial on their part, to help me out. I feel like all my bridges are non existent, all my connections dried up because I’m unemployed and have no perks or anything to offer back. Everything is a power trip, it’s no longer about who I know. the more things you lose, the harder it is to get back up. Like this country, a leak in the boat is mow pouring water in, while everyone is telling you what you can’t do to patch it up.

Eveyrything I try online is flooded with a-holes that just want my phone number, postal address, social and all kinds of things that are associated with phishing. I’m afraid to get involvewd with mystery shopping or starting my own business by paying for some jer’s seminar to figure out that’s how they’re making money, by selling useless binders of money making general common knowledge advice.

I was on this site years ago and subscribed with a lot of women that are no longer on here or other things happened I can’t figure out. this was well before paid subscriptions and even when they tried a seperate splinter site for paid subscriptions. I suppose I need to check out more random diaries and star commenting on what I like. I have to keep writing every week, just to get it out, even if I have an audience of 1.

I changed my starting page from FB to local craigslist job classifieds. I have to reduce the time I spend online or spend more time looking for work on it. I just get so burned out. It’s tough to get in a mode to see ads as opportunities, instead of long procedures to get my info ready, go to apply, actually get to talk to a a manager, the thank you letter hand delivered and then the silence where a reply should be.