Alone? Or on my own?

Seems the same, different tone, huh.

Not having money or income, I go out less, only to apply. Not much fun walking around aimlessly. I inherited a shopping gene that I’ve been fighting my whole life. I discovered how bad it was when I moved back to California and saw how many things my mother bought that fills her 3 bedroom house, backyard and garage. She now lives alone there. She bought the house 30 years ago when my Grandfather was evicted from his house for land development that turned out not to develop all these years. Well, the crop fields became houses, but the actual farmhouse is too close to a creek that has dried up. Vandalized “park” land sits there now.

I’ve managed to isolate myself on my other profiles. I wrote reviews on a site, but that got political because there are instances of favoritism and flagged reviews disappearing just because they were bad and what a coincidence, the business bought an ad on the site. Myspace, twitter and Facebook have all over gone major renovations. I was on myspace the longest, so that was the toughest, I lost years of blogs and notes after the conversion for some unexplained reason. A lot of people I went on there for have abandoned their profile and a few of them I haven’t been able to find on Facebook. Some people I don’t even know their real name! A lot of people in Vegas go by a nickname or stage name. Not just strippers, either. I suppose from myspace it happens more. I got tired of posting rants, frustration and about my losses on any of those sites. The sad thing is, when everything is going great you are so busy you have no time to blog. And when the fucking walls are falling down all over, it’s such a lengthy, hopeless process, it seems like you have months to post all about it. I don’t even want to hang out with people I know and have yet to explain why I moved back here. I don’t want to talk in the phone much and when I do, it feels pathetic. And whenever I have time to shoot the shit, whoever I call is very busy in their life. The catching up phone call is an elusive creature, dare I say dying with instant messaging/ profile updates, I have yet to be good at.

I have been getting a lot done in the condo. I’ve managed to go thru years of pamphlets, camcorder (video 8!) cassettes). Someday I’ll be able to get a video 8 player and some software to transfer. Now, all I have are the comments I wrote on the cassette boxes as a clue as to what is on each tape. Been going thru instruction books, throwing a lot of them away. Amazing what electronics I had, video cassette players, etc. I’ve seen how much obsolete media I have. Makes me now want to buy I-anything. Imagine in 5 years, everyone will be stuck with useless apple shit. I still have Atari 2600, star wars (original trilogy) toys and vinyl albums I’m wanting to sell. I’ve gone thru pins and old job folders. I’ve gone thru old phone lists, and “corralled” people in groups that I knew them in, be it a job, a regular hangout or a yearly event. I’ve gone thru old postal cards, mostly from holidays. I tried starting a resurgence with postal holiday cards, especially since I moved away and basically that was all I could afford as far as gifts. Going thru all this shit tells me one thing, most of what people buy now is disposable. I’ve always been a fan of shopping in antique stores and thrift stores. Keeps me in check at all the weird, stupid things people buy. Revolutionary technologies that don’t last 5 years. And what really stands the test of time. It makes me want to buy a typewriter and write on that. It’s how I learned to type accurately, for school papers, because in grade school, it took forEVER to correct a typed mistake.

I messaged all my cell phone pics to my e-mail. Somehow, my cell phone camera became a means to take pictures of my cat. Any pics I try taking “in the field” are too small and grainy. But my cat pics at home are best as a rotating screen saver on my phone. A few days ago, I messaged my girlfriend to start messaging me her pics of our cat because she never backed them up before. Literally yesterday, she messaged me that she had to get a new phone because her phone with all those irreplaceable pictures stopped recognizing the charger. And before I could call her to verbally go over trying to fix it, she already replaced it, so even if I could get it to work, there’s an extra step on getting it service to e-mail the pics off the phone. Typical Lucy moment that continues the love/ angst she brings.

I’m getting some DVDs on Netflix and right now I’m rotating every George Carlin DVD in reverse chrono, going backwards to his early stuff and the Daria cartoon series. That’s the mood I’m in. I’m very misanthropic by nature. A lot of people mistake my mood as me having low self esteem. I used to be such a party guy, as evidenced in my pictures. But jobs and roommates and the idiocy of society bring my mood down. I have no patience. With every job, every project, I have always best excelled on my own, when I can rattle thru things faster, no debate, no compromise. Get it done fast, efficiently and above what the project called for. The biggest thing I have EVER wanted to do was invent something to replace lines. Any line. No traffic on the street, no assholes in front of us in the bank or the dmv, stores. Restaurants with those pagers are in the right direction, just take off and do something else until you’re called. You’re doing something, not staring, standing and building rage for the check in lady that is sure to piss you off with their check in procedures.

I have a lot more on my mind, but I’m already on micro’ works page 2.