heavy thoughts

On a positive and negative thought: I’m glad my grandpa is dead.

Negative because death is hard. In a perfect world my grandpa should live forever. I want to feel his love all the time

Positive because I don’t want my grandpa to be alive with this virus going around. My grandpa is in a better place. My grandpa had heart issues for roughly 18 years. He’s had pneumonia numerous times over the last 10 years.

If my grandpa was still alive, the coronaviurs could have affected him, probably could have been the cause of his death.

Since my family knew in Aug 2019 that he’d have any day to a year max to live, all of us would have wanted to travel to visit him. My grandpa lived in South Dakota….I have family (aunts/uncles/cousins) in Cali, Arizona, Nebraska, Colorado, Wisconsin, Tennessee. Even traveling within the state of SD would have been an increase risk.

If grandpa was still alive, it would have been incredibly hard to NOT see him (even in death, hard to not see him). If the funeral would have happened now (instead of Jan 3, 2020) there would have been limited interaction at the wake, limited interaction at the funeral. My grandparents have 25 grandkids, 4 great grandkids. My grandpa was 1 of 13 kids….so the extended family is huge. Would have been hard to not see all the family at the same time. That would have made me bitter. I love my family, they mean the world