Update

So, the surgery thing went ok today. HURT like heck!! It was a different Doctor… and he wasn’t very nice. He gave me a little Lidocaine, and that was it, despite knowing I could feel everything. I ended up crying through the whole thing ’cause it hurt like heck!! Imagine someone taking a knife, and cutting out a chunk of your skin, then tell me what a wuss I am. At one point, the doctor was trying to get me to concentrate on something other than the pain, and made retarded jokes… such as: “Your a wuss you know that…. Didn’t your mama teach you No Pain No Gain?”…. “Do ya need a cane or crutches or something?” UGH…. what a jerk. I would have smacked him if I had been able. Totally pissed me off… and didn’t make me laugh at all… So, he took out the 4 stitches I did have… cut the rest of the cancer out… and gave me 10 more stitches. Now, I’m stuck in this pressure dressing that I can’t take off for 48 hours, nor can I get it wet for 2 weeks. The pressure dressing has become loose already, and my leg is throbbing and hurts like no other. I’ve taken 3 Vicodin since 3pm and it hasn’t done squat for me. My leg still hurts, I haven’t been able to pass out… Maybe I’m just totally stressed out. I know I was yesterday.

Poulas asked me today why bad things are happening to a good person (me). I told him I’m not prone to these kind of things. I’m no different than anyone else. My mom says God is trying to get my attention and draw me back to Him. Maybe she’s right. I don’t know. I don’t have the faith she has. I wish I did. I know it’s possible…. but sometimes I doubt. And I hate that… because I do believe. I’m just confused and lost.

Anyways, I’m going to go finish watching my show and go back to bed.

Alissa