Grey Sky Morning

So you sailed away
Into a grey sky morning
Now I’m here to stay
Love can be so boring

Nothing’s quite the same now
I just say your name now

But it’s not so bad
You’re only the best I ever had
You don’t want me back
You’re just the best I ever had

So you stole my world
Now I’m just a phony

Remembering the girl
Leaves me down and lonely

Send it in a letter
Make yourself feel better

But it’s not so bad
You’re only the best I ever had
You don’t need me back
You’re just the best I ever had

And it may take some time to
Patch me up inside
But I can’t take it so I
Run away and hide
And I may find in time that
You were always right
You’re always right

So you sailed away
Into a grey sky morning
Now I’m here to stay
Love can be so boring

What was it you wanted
Could it be I’m haunted

But it’s not so bad
You’re only the best I ever had
I don’t want you back
You’re just the best I ever had

The best I ever had
The best I ever…

This song has been one that has been echo-ing in my ind for the past few weeks, and now it seems to be even stronger than ever. I think of this song when I think about Ian and how our relationship ended. And now, to make a long story short (which I will get to in a few entries) Ian has told me that this is the way he feels (felt) about me. I don’t know. I am so confsed and Rocky right now. On the one hand, I am upset and hurt, but on the other hand, I still love him. I just don’t know if I want to set myself to fall down yet again. Every time I decide to trust him, I get hurt for it. I want to trust him. I want to be able to be with him. But he has hurt me so much. I keep thinking that if he cared as much as he said why would he hurt me the way he did? But i believe him when he tells me. I don’t know. Work is sucking today. I didn’t get any sleep last night, and I am just so upset and emotional right now. I don’t know if I can do this… Just when i think I am finally makeing progress, I am reminded of how much I love him. Yesterday was easter, and I went to church with my family. But the whole time I was there I was thinking about how happy I was last easter, when Ian had just graduated Marine Corpse boot camp, and he came to church with me in his uniform. When we walked arm in arm around church, and people were coming up and talking to us, I felt like I could fly… i was so proud. And this easter I just had that image in my head. And I was so sad. But oh well. This is enough for now. I have to get back to work. But I have a feeling that this diary is going to get more interesting as it continues…