a day in november?

It’s been almost a month since I’ve written. I’ve been dreading writing this entry,

I feel like my life has completely changed. I’m a different person now.

Mitch is in my past. We will never be whole again. December 3 will be 2 months. Feels like eternity. I still talk to him and sometimes make the mistake of spending a night together.

I haven’t decided if I’m happy or not. Deep down I knew it wasn’t going to work… I always doubted him. I’ll always doubt men.  I enjoy being single but I miss the attention and love. The future will be brighter I know… but I’m cold and lonely right now.

A couple weeks ago I went through his texts. I noticed he started texting a bartender from the casino. I read that he went to her house and partied with her. She sent him pictures of her dog.

I think that really ripped my heart out. I think it made break easier. I think about her in his life now and it makes me mad. A crying mad. I’m mad that he’s reaching out to another person instead of me. My jealousy consumes me. I have snapped. I don’t want to ever feel this way again!!!!

The apocalypse has happened to me. My end of world has come.

The fire in my chest still burns and my heart still pounds. Whatever doesn’t kill us, fucks us up mentally.

I don’t want to focus on the past. There’s no time!

I don’t think I will date for a long time. I think I need some personal space. I’m 23. I’ve been dedicated to boys since I was 14.

Time to be free.