may 18th

I know it’s been a while. I have been meaning to write but I haven’t gotten around to it.  life is pretty different right now I’ve had a lot of ups and downs. I am still at the same job as a pastry chef I recently got a raise only a dollar but its something I have been there for a year and I’ve been asking for raise for a long time. I wanted a 1.50$ more. chef has been putting it off and making me angry I work my ass off. Two months ago I was evicted from my apartment I had some issues with my neighbors they’re extremely mean people you would think that they would be more laid-back. they were a part of a biker gang for Alcoholics Anonymous ha ha. They didn’t like the smell of marijuana which I still smoke daily I was kind enough to smoke in the washroom with the fan on but that still was not good enough for them.

So right now I am living with Mitch my boyfriend .His place is extremely small and everything I own is in his garage which sucks. we have been dating for four years. we celebrated our four year anniversary on April 6 he told me that I could not stay at his place for that long. I am supposed to move out by July. I’m still pretty upset that he doesn’t want to live with me, his reasoning is that he needs his space. which I find kind of baloney since we used to spend every day together. as soon as he was off work he would come to my house he wouldn’t even go home first it was almost as if we were living together anyway we would alternate stays at each other’s houses why pay two rents we could be saving our money and buying things that would benefit us like a car which neither of us have .

I don’t think that I am the girl for him. he said it before. I’m not sure why i stick around I seem to be wasting a very valuable part of my life with him it’s hard to let go of him. I love him so much. I still haven’t met his mother. She refuses to meet me. It really does bother me , I wish I was more a part of his family life. he goes to his parents house every Sunday and has Sunday dinner he usually goes golfing with his father Sunday morning. His dad actually likes me. He took me,Mitch,and his sister to the hockey game once. That is the only time that I have actually ever hung out with him. I have been with Mitch forever, I’m not sure why his family doesn’t want to get to know me. maybe mitch has told them that I am not the girl for him. Maybe that is the reason they don’t want me a part of the family. It is pretty hurtful. I think about it every day.

My mother has always been nice to Mitch and has invited Mitch over for dinner plenty of times. Me and my mother have had a falling out recently. It happened when I asked her to help me move. She has helped me every other time I have moved. I guess it’s starting to p*ss her off. I only asked her to help because she has a drivers license and I can’t rent a U-Haul. I had Mitch and my two roommates there to help me move all of my belongings. I told her that I didn’t even need her to do anything but drive the uhaul.The weekend of the move I borrowed her car to move some boxes on my own time To make it easier on everyone else I tried to complete most of it myself.

Saturday morning I drive to my mothers house to pick her up. And there is no U-Haul. And she is completely hung over puking her guts out. She had lost her cell phone at the bar so getting a hold or her was a bitch. She was bitching and complaining and saying that she got the flu. she said she didn’t even drink that much. Which is a lie. I’m not retarded. I called her out on it. But she continued to lie to my face. So she told me that I had to drive across the city to find her phone. I had to pull over many times for her to vomit on the side of the road. By this time I am starting to get cranky. I have things to do and I’m tired from the night before. She was really bringing me down.  We finally get back to her house and she says that she didn’t rent a U-Haul because she could use my uncle’s truck. Which would not start. The battery was dead. So I am ready to move the last of my things I have everybody waiting for me back at the house. She throws her hands up in the air and says that she’s not helping me anymore. Because she is sick. I have a week before I have to be gone from my apartment. I had to be gone on the Friday. I work Monday to Friday and have really no time to move my sh*t. It had to be done that day. So I gave her sh*t. She has known for three weeks that I needed her help on that day the only day i have help from my friends. Earlier in the week she told me that she didn’t want to do it on that day because she wanted to go to a concert with her friends. She always makes everything about her. She got her way…I wasn’t able to move the last of my things until Thursday. Giving me no time to clean the place properly.

Thursday arrives and she is there with a truck that can’t be turned off or else it won’t turn back on. There is no one there to help me. It was just me and her. Everybody else was working and I told her that that was going to happen if she wanted it to do it during the week. So she is super cranky and pissed off that she has to help move my things. So she is throwing my sh*t around throwing my white couch into the dirt slamming doors and swearing. I am so sick of her attitude towards me. She is not a nice person she never was and she never will be. That is why I don’t like hanging out with my mother. I never go there on Sunday dinners. I can’t stand her, she is a bitch. I’m not going to sugarcoat it because I know she sure doesn’t. The way that she made me feel that day was incredible. I was really honest with her. I told her that her attitude stinks and that she doesn’t treat anybody nicely. Especially me I also told her that I don’t like being around her because she is always negative. I do not enjoy spending time with my mom. I guess that really upset her, I can understand why. But I had had enough with her. I had to tell her my true feelings. Her bullshit is driving me crazy. I told her that I would not require her help anymore in the future. For a couple weeks after that we didn’t speak at all. She told my uncle that I was really rude to her for no real reason. He commented on a post of mine on facebook. that really p*ssed me off because he didn’t even know my side story. My mom has a way of manipulating the truth to better suit her. So now I have my uncle hating on me.

Easter dinner comes around and she sent me a text saying that dinner was on Sunday. I always go to the big family dinners. I was still pretty pissed off at her so I never replied back to the message I did have intentions on going. When I got there the family was already there. I got the eyeball from my uncle. My cousins were in on it too I guess My mom was really talking sh*t about me. Made it kind of awkward I didn’t even want to be there at that point. I didn’t talk to my mom at all I just hung out with my little brother in another room. I made it clear that she has hurt me again with her words. She has never apologized for the way that she has treated me. But I let it go. It took two months. She makes posts on Facebook about how you should love your family and treat your family with respect. I find it ironic maybe she should take her own advice.

All I know is that I won’t be asking for her help any more there’s no point. It’s easier to do things myself. I am kind of stuck at miitchs I don’t have anyone to rent me a U-Haul. And I have a massive house worth of things that I own. I can even move out until I find a roommate. I can’t afford rent all by myself. I asked Jesse recently if you would like to move in with me. We used to be roommates Until he tried to make his relationship work with his baby’s mama. Which actually didn’t work out. she moved to ontario with his kid. I guess some people have it worse than it do. I;m still waiting on a response.

Mitchs dog got hit by a car in december. Paulo died. 🙁 it was during the holiday. Paulo escaped from the backyard somehow. MItch couldnt find him for days. He tired calling all the shelters but no body knew or no body answered the phone. A week went by before he even found out what happened to his dog. They cremated him and threw out his ashes. They didnt even call him. They had the dog on file. But it was a holiday and no one could be bothered. Poor Mitch.

I had an abortion in March. 🙁 I wanted to keep it. But Mitch said no. I dont think I’m ready for a kid anyway. So it’s probably for the best.

I’ve been nerding out on diablo3 alot recently. it’s been out for 3 days. I’m all over it like white on rice. Great game. i think i’m gonna go play that right meow.