2 days
Well, I did it again. This time, I opened my mouth when I should’ve kept it shut. And this time not only have I possibly lost a good friend, but 2 other’s as well. I know I should’ve learned my lesson from the situation with my ex, but I guess that obviously I didn’t. When a friend calls me and needs someone to talk to, I listen, and I voice my opinion. Only this time, the friends that were ventin, were on opposite sides, ventin bout eachother, to me. I should’ve told them from the get go, and kept my word, that I didn’t want to get involved. Part of me knew this was goin to happen. But did I listen to my instincts? NO, I DIDN’T!!! And now I may have caused the break up of 2 people that care bout eachother, lost the trust of 2 good friends, and someone that I think of as "family." And where did it get me? In the shit hole. One of the friends was gonna take me out fer my B-Day on Sat, but after this, I told her she didn’t have to. I wouldn’t blame her if she decided not to go after all. The "family" member was throwin me a party on Sunday. I have since cancelled it cuz the other 2 friends, one lives there, were goin as well. I don’t think that either wants to see me right now. And again, I don’t blame them.
All my life, I have always known that I have had this knack fer screwin up things. I screwed up most of my friendships. I screwed up my marriage. And now I have screwed up not only a couple friendships, but also a relationship ‘tween 2 people that care bout eachother. I knew from the get go that the best thing to do when they call me is to tell them I didn’t want to hear it, and change the subject. But I didn’t. I tried to do this a couple weeks ago, and it didn’t work very well. I just allowed myself to get "involved" again. And look where it got me.
Now, some people might think that I am playin the "poor me" act. Well, think what you want. I am not askin fer pitty. As said many times before, this is my diary, a place where I put my thoughts and feelins. Those who know me well, would say that I am rarely a selfish person. I get yelled at because I don’t think of me first. I think of others before me. Well, right now, I don’t feel as though I have thought of anyone else but me. Yes, I screwed up. Yes, I have lost the trust of some people that I care about. But ya know what. Ya know who I hurt in all this? My friends. I know how it feels to loose trust in people. So I can only imagine how they feel bout me right now. The word "Betrayal" comes to mind.
As I said in my last entry, which that situation has nuthin to do with this one, but yet involves the same friend, plus 2 others, maybe it is time that I do back out. I have caused so much hurt in the last 48 hours, that I am embarrased to show my face.
Oh and to top it all off, I got fired yesterday. Yeah, the job that I was tryin to make my career, they let me go. It hurts, but I do understand. Those closest to me think it is BS. They think the reasons I got let go are messed up. They say I was only doin my job, great customer service. I disagree. I slacked on my responsibilities as a CSR to help a couple friends and clients. I chose to look the other way in certain situations to help them. Bad call on my part. But the good news is that I have a job interview tomorrow mornin already. And I had a phone interview earlier tonite. If all goes well, I will be employed by the end of next week. If the interview tomorrow goes well, my only dilemna will be to wiegh the pro’s & con’s of both jobs and decide which one is best fer me. Might do that here, but no guarantees yet.
Till then,
Smooches