goodbye, dear friend

 i’m not going to be sorry anymore. i’m not going to feel guilty for wanting my thoughts and emotions to be validated and understood.  i will not be manipulated into thinking that i was wrong, and you were right, and i’m just making it all up.  i won’t feel bad for not answering my phone when it doesn’t ring, or answering the text messages that never came. i won’t let it get to me when i see all those facebook updates about you hanging out with your girls, or having parties, only to  look at my phone wondering where my invite got lost. ii won’t feel bady anymore, about saying what i said about your engagement, when you said the same thing behind one of your friends backs. at least i had the audacity to say it to your face, and know that it wasn’t about you.  i hope that you get what you want. friends who will tell you that you are doing just fine, that you are always right and that you are a good person.  i hope you find the happiness your looking for in the boy who bends to your every whim and lets you boss him around.  i hope that one day you can understand and realize that i was tired of being pushed around and knocked down, just so you could lift me up again.  i hope you know that i loved you, dearly, when you came to me during a difficult time and i wouldn’t have made it through that without you.  i hope you know that i appreciated the passing moments when you made me feel like worthy friend, and a good person.  most of all, i hope you can accept that you stopped doing those things for me, and our friendship had become so forced, so fake and so hard for me, that i just couldn’t do it anymore.  i tried telling you, and talking to you about it, but you didn’t want to hear or accept that you had hurt me, just like so many who came before you. 

it’s okay. i’ll be fine. don’t worry about me anymore.